Monday, February 28, 2005
Fotos!
Today got back Process results...tot i will fail..cos the day b4 the test...i din study much n was out having fun...hahaz...fond meomeries lahz...i got a C anyway...hahaz..have updated my foto album with the chinese new year pics taken at mr wong n sylvia's place...lolz...interested go c lo...hahaz...hai..got a fren mum commented i very talkative...haiz...image gone le...lolz...i tot the impression i give elders is i quite quiet n dao de...hahaz...well...mayb i really m a very selfcentred and mood swing person...lolz...tok alot when i feel like it...dun tok when i dun feel like it...today went over to amk..spend like water flowing again...hahaz...ntuc shop shop, then sportslink and then bought bubble tea...lolz...been some time since i last drank tat..had baby potatoes for dinner...well, it's been a long time since i last ate them...noe wat's the best way to eat them? just boil them in water, peel off the skin and dip with light soya sauce..yummy!!!been procrastinating too much....jialat...due to too much TV n indulgence....omg... haiz...http://my.so-net.net.tw/sirwang/fur.wmv I tink every1 should watch tis...its a 16 min video clip....may b long...but i tink clips like tis will change ur tinking de...
blogged at 11:10 PM
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Quizzzzzzzz
You are 'juggling'. Jugglers, tumblers, and other
street performers were a very popular sort of
entertainment once, before movies and talkies
and online quizzes supplanted them.
You like to put on a show for people, and they like
to watch. You are friendly and well-liked,
particularly for your sense of humor, although
you sometimes play with people's heads. You
are frequently the center of attention, and you
like it that way. However, you have to realize
that the world does not revolve around you.
Furthermore, you have to learn that your
light-hearted antics are not appropriate to all
situations. Your problem is that juggling has
been obsolete for a long time.
What obsolete skill are you?
img src="http://images.quizilla.com/T/torinaura/1092940029_sscreen014.jpg" >
the studious student. You are definitely pressured
and suffer from side effects from built up
stress. You are constantly occupying yourself
with books, studies, or some other hobby. You
feel squeezed in place and have litte movement.
Most of the time you are busy with work and
family, and would love to spread your wings and
relax. One like you needs to find a certain
time of the day to just sit and release the
tension. However, you are doing fairly well in
school, but that does not mean that you can
continue stressing yourself out. Take a
breather and head out with some friends.
You can consider going into a field like
librarian, polotician, journalist,
Archeologist, scientist, or lawyer. You have a
brain...NOW USE IT....but please...spare
yourself the pressure and create some down time
for yourself. Or develop a hobby that releases
tension, such as knitting (it worked wonders
for me)
What type of teenager are you?
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
What Sign of Affection Are You?
The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.
Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
Today was the last day working at warehouse direct...then went over to xinying place..then went for prata....very tired....i saw patrick on the bus on my way home...hahaz...then later the bus i taking gt no petrol...then i saw how the bus depot looks like...the driver so funny still ask me if i mind waiting...hahaz...okie...i very tired.... going sleep le...nitez....
blogged at 11:53 PM
Friday, February 25, 2005
1st day at job n lingzhi
Today was the first day at work(warehouse direct)..well...in the mrg...i was early..hahaz...CK was like later than me lorz..hahaz..then we waited for a very long time for my boss(daniel) fren..Kenneth...omg...he reminds me of someone...I guess i was not in much of a mood to tok...so most of the time daniel tokked to CK..anyway...not interested in didi la...hahaz... =p
then there's tis other guy, deric who set up his laptop n let us send the email...i also was like surfing the net and everyting lor...chatting...lolz...but the job...sometimes got tings to do..sometimes noting to do...hahaz...then i always get the easier to handle calls...CK always got the one always need to refer to daniel de... =P so i guess i quite lucky lorz....
then when near to knock off time...the other lady passed us one big big file tell us to type...wahz..i nearly fainted....lolz...but okie lorz...went off quite on time la..we nv fin the file...just throw back to her...lolz..
then went down to lingzhi to eat.... costed me quite abit even with the 10% off with AMEX card la...hahaz..courtesy of tina of cos...then we walked ard to search for a cafe...in the end we stilled winded up at borders....can sense tat mum tinks cafe is a complete waste of money la...but me? hahaz...i actually like going to cafes n just slacking there...hahaz...quality over quantity...well...i choose quality.. =) must go try the one in TANGS..when we went there...they wana close le...no more food orders...haiz...the cakes look good n the atmosphere nice...i tink the place call island...hahaz...MUST TRY!!! the esplanade one owned by tina's fren also must go n support...hahaz..the victorian style cafe...
tina was saying to further studies....but, my stand? well...wait lorz...its not cheap to study uni la...dun even noe if i can make it also...dun wana stop halfway like...well...i noe can le...not v good lorz..its like u will start to regret and everyting...i will start saving de....tina was also saying should start getting working clothes le....haiz...another ting need money...haiz...so many tings to buy, so little cash to go ard... wth...my life stinks...haiz...
today orchard got some singtel 3G tingy...then got concert..i heard yida sing the xi huan ni xi huan wo.... nice song...hahaz...good if got guy sing to me...lolz...well, i now tink...tings simply should not be rushed...just let it be ba..if it is mine, it will be...but ah..i tink frenz forever beta than seeing couples who have a sore breakup n lose not onli a partner but a fren as well...so bo hua...hahaz..
anyway...now then i noe the power of SLY..omg...even got aunties...yes...u heard me...groups of aunties who actually take that neon light n the words SLY....omg...hahaz...like youngster liddat...lolz...
tmr got work...last day le...well..i do need the cash..darn...i need to learn how to manage my money...if not jialat...i will forever be in the debts pile n pile situation...
tmr going to xinying place for her bday....after work la...wonder when get pay...hahaz...
blogged at 11:47 PM
Thursday, February 24, 2005
End of common tests
FINALLY...ALL TESTS OVER LE...
haiz..however..i messed up the papers completely la..haiz... splitting headache now... my pharma paper...since sunil say is concept paper...i din reali bother with the studying la...then in the end...haiz..safety was worse...study so freaking hard for calculations..in the end...none came out...all theory...omg...but safety is the first paper where we can eat sweets while doing paper openly...somemore the sweets are provided by the lecturer himself...lol...yest while studying...KK was like disturbing me la...haiz...i got the words "bully me" on my face isit? then today yongqiang also disturb....omg..m i so fun to disturb... -_-
well..abt KK's disturbings...well...i'm really scared abt my studies la...haiz...tis sem i like super slack n super cannot absorb lorz...haiz...must buck up le....tmr and sat working..sylvia's lobang...dunno can do it anot...lolz...i'm not having confidence in myself again...must tell myself i can do it de...hahaz....must have more confidence... =)
tmr going lingzhi with tina,mum,n michelle...hmmm...the 2 day job came just in time...hahaz...
sat after work going to xinying's place for her bday party...well... here's an advanced greeting...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XINYING!!!
blogged at 3:59 PM
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
petrochem test
okie..before i start, i admit i din study well for the test...but did tis have to happen...omg...i studied Visbreaking and LLE...in the end..come out coking and dewaxing...wah laoz...haiz... die le...i walked out of the exam hall in like within an hour...haiz..After the paper..came home straight and watched vcds again...hahaz...watched tis old movie, on the line..and also the jackie chan de movie...the
xin jin cha gu shi..well..nicholas tse still looks good...daniel wu is so cool...hahaz..i like the ending alot.. the part where jackie proposes to charlie..is so sweet...hahaz..
left two papers...pharma n safety..well...jialat le...haiz...have to study well...have to and got to....hahaz...tmr whole day at school study...then before 7 go yishun...yupz..guess tat'll be my day tmr...hahaz...
blogged at 7:28 PM
Monday, February 21, 2005
bored
just did a tarot reading..
how you feel about yourself now (The Magician)
You feel a sense of purpose and the willpower to get things done. Self-empowerment is the key word here. Any new enterprises in love or career show great potential. You feel that you have the ability to think on your feet and, faced with opposition, the appearance of The Magician is an excellent omen of success. Time to believe in your self and go for it!
what you most want at this moment (The Tower)
The cards suggest teary, that what you most want at this time is an easy solution to a problem. However in life, turmoil and upheaval often brings about change - just not quite as we would like it. Seize this opportunity of change as a chance for a new beginning. You may want to move home but will be experiencing setbacks.
your fears (The Hermit)
You are frightened of being on your own and loneliness, and you simply don’t know quite what to do. Take time to relax and in time you will have the answers. The Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions, so try not to get too stressed, and if you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.
what is going for you (The Devil)
There's a possibility of permanence here. If you're considering a commitment in a relationship or marriage this is a good sign. However question your motives because here we have temptation and addiction, and a desire to be controlled or controlling. So use your intuition and if you recognise what you feel as sincere, great, if not you still have a chance to change direction. If considering giving up a bad habit, such as smoking or drinking for example, now is a good time to start.
what is going against you (The Hierophant)
You are simply struggling to conform to others expectations of you and everybody has an opinion of what you should do. Perhaps you are having a crisis of faith and are unsettled at a very spiritual level. Ask yourself who you really are? What is important to you? What makes you happy? Seek out advice or wise counsel if you wish, but accepting who you really are and going after what you want instead of what others want for you is the most important.
outcome (The Hanged Man)
You will in time know what decision to make about who or what must be given up. This is a time of passage from one phase of your life to another. It may be a difficult choice, and self-sacrifice is never easy, but if you look for truth and integrity and don’t be too materialistic or hang onto things or people for all the wrong reasons, everything will turn out in your favour.
oopz...beta go study le.. certain stuff beta left as they r...feeling weak..haiz... concentrate and aim ger!
blogged at 12:47 PM
Lyrics
Lyrics of my current blog song...
Daniel Bedingfield- If You're Not The OneIf you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understandTmr is the petrochem common test..lolz..hafnt started studying for it...have to go down market with mum...and settle some stuff...then
I HAVE TO STUDY...omg..sometimes...i cant stand myself...hahaz..petrochem is darn difficult...lolz..jialat..well...i simply have to study rite? yucks...
not going to sch le i guess...hahaz...gonna try study at home....see if can...lolz...most prob i will wind up sleeping..hahaz..
Just updated my wish list...hahaz...i'm getting greedy... lolz..
blogged at 10:25 AM
Sunday, February 20, 2005
a little update
I changed the blog song le...its now Daniel Bedingfield's If you are not the one..nice song huh? i found tis song in my sis's folder..hahaz..he's the brother of e ger who sang these words...i have no idea how he looks like...dun wish to know also...hahaz..then will have aura of mystery...
This mrg...went over to ah ma place to help out with the cooking..then was having fun disturbing uncle...lolz...nv had such fun for a very long time le..just relax n slack..lol..i put too much lime in the chilli...was like darn sour lo..hahaz..some ppl like..some tink too sour..cover the chilli taste..i squeeze the whole bag of lime in...then went over to hougang point with a very full stomach...to meet huiyi n xinying...
i saw this on a guy's shirt today :
If better is possible,then good is not enough.bought a bag...hahaz...they left pretty early as they have been there earlier...when i was alone, i started calculating my expenses this few days...jialat..serious i'm spending way out of my ability now...must cut down...also did some soul searching on certain stuff...guess i'm more or less straighten out my thinking le...or at least i tink..well..certain tings r beta left on their own..tings like tis r out of my control...shall elaborate more on tat later i guess...hahaz..not really in the mood for typing...hand pain from the helpout at ah ma place today...hahaz..i guess i tink i noe wat i wan le...
Reasons why smart people stays single: 1. Single means you have the time to grow and be the person you want to be. 2. Single gives you space to grow. It is harder to grow when you are too close to someone. 3. Single means learning to live by yourself. 4. Single means freedom. 5. Single means learning not to need a man/woman to make your life meaningful. 6. Single is realizing that being married is not necessarily better. 7. Single means that there could be something wonderful around the corner and you can take advantage of it. 8. Single means you are free to love again. 9. Single means you have more time to care for other people. 10. Stay single and treasure it. cool huh? i found tis in my frenster bulletin...lolz..going slp le....tired...mentally..hahaz..
blogged at 11:34 PM
Friday, February 18, 2005
shocked
Just now at airport..hahaz..long time nv go le...lolz..last time i went there was last year?when i went over to burma...when moi whole family went...
people do change i guess...hahaz..but some ppl? they nv do...lolz..
well..just very stunned at how i can actually just lie without batting an eyelid about certain stuff..well..hahaz...dunno la..mayb it does not hurt tat much le..tat's why i can do so..hahaz...
wear ger ger to changi...white top and a turquoise wrap skirt..hahaz..then later went to eat bee hoon at the ABC coffeeshop...hahaz..got tis pesky fly at the next table..kept saying alot of stories...disturb me eating...hahaz..
on my way home...was this 3 guys who said the following loud enuff for me to hear.." how come so late le got ger walking alone..should send her home mahz.." wat the heck la...if got ppl send me home..i also wan wat...but dun have la...and who on earth say ger cannot walk alone late at nite...kaoz.. anyway i just gin them n quicken my pace...lolz..guai lan rite? hahaz... but got one quite shuai lorz...hahaz... i like v long nv do guy watching le...hahaz... time to hunt yandaos le... =)
blogged at 11:57 PM
tired from all the reports
Now in ah pek class...i missed out safety lecture today...haiz..cos..i was doing GMP lab report...haiz...work so long on it...until tis mrg..i cant put my lenses in..lolz..then later at gmp lect..saw teo and ask her..then my lunch hour became...report time..omg...first time ever i so hardworking for a report...haiz...then now still got 2 more long long safety reports to b done...haiz...when can i ever get myself away from tis?haiz...
I m so so hungry now...haiz...hmmm..wat did i eat today? potato wedges and honeydew...very hungry now...
got one pimple on my chin...darn pain lah....haiz...
just got MR sms..tis sunday going to fong place..hahaz...i miss her alot..hahaz...wonder how is everyone now...hahaz...
just a survey tat i did..
What's the ideal holiday for your personality?
The Mother Superior
You love a family affair and are drawn to holidays that forge togetherness and closeness with your immediate or extended family. Your ideal holiday would most likely be a month-long house rental in Tuscany with all the family around or a family resort getaway with plenty of activities for young and old alike. You may find yourself attracted to destinations like Italy or Latin America, where a familial attitude reigns. Or you enjoy letting the kid in yourself come out by visiting theme parks and other spots where you can whoop and holler along with the under-18s. And ironically, the more family togetherness there is, the more you may be able to enjoy some alone time on your own or with a partner, with family or staff entertaining the kiddies.
hmmm.... now ah...I wana go the following places...i noe very greedy la...but i really wan a break...hahaz...
- Desaru - fruit farm, firefly and beach...
- Burma - to go n pray n relax...if i were to go there...i guess..no one can contact me...hahaz..cos there no network..lolz..
- Taiwan - saw jet star asia ad..fly to taipei for $68 i wana go..xinying seem to have a great time there..the place also like v fun...i wana c all the night markets and try the food there..hahaz..ma la huo guo...the ice desserts there..the vegetarian stuff there is also v good..hahaz..
- China - to climb tat long long great wall of china and cos i promised tat i will bring grandma there...heez..when i have enuff money la... =) so if go china..must be able to pay for me n her air tix n all the shopping..lolz..
- Korea - the scenery best liaoz... =)
currently i tink i onli can go desaru lo...lolz...cheapest wat..hahaz...and is pay for my own fare..hahaz...oops..not forgetting the cruise me n judy gonna go when we grad...
thinking of getting the new estee lauder pure pops brush on color...its $28 and they r giving away 1 free with a purchase of 2..valid till 28 feb 2005..hahaz...available at Isetan,Metro,Og,Robinsons,Seiyu,Taka and tangs... got urge to eat..dumplings....hahaz...jiao zi...not the zong zi...hahaz...jiao zi...mayb shld go get the frozen one from ntuc..hahaz...temptation to eat marina steamboat also...lolz..i'm growing fat.... =(
later going to changi airport to send someone off...well...i wish her all the best in her future endeavors.. =)
common test is next week..and i hafnt study..haiz...must start le...but...tmr is going ard to bai nian...sunday go fong hse..and ah ma place..the annual ah ma cook alot of food u must eat gathering..hahaz...anyone interested? lolz... tell me la..how to study? hahaz...
blogged at 4:19 PM
Thursday, February 17, 2005
KK Hospital
Today at quek class....watever little morale and confidence i had is totally gone...haiz...i tink..i jialat le.. then after tat had discussion on the gmp report..then accompany mum to KK for her check up...took cab there...the cab driver ah...haiz...dun say le..
haiz...at the hospital....got the cannot breathe feeling...hahaz...but then see alot of pregnant women and their hubby...so sweet...hahaz..then wait n wait n wait....haiz...the doc de oakley glasses look nice..hahaz...then went to delifrance to eat with mum..KK hospital de delifrance ah....haiz...cannot make it siaz...haiz...they simply don't have enuff cutlery...had to ask for fork...then service...bad..haiz...but there like no one lo...i got craving for delifrance so eat there...lolz...turn out to b a not so good experience...haiz...everytime wat i wan..always either dun have or not suitable for me..haiz..kns...my life not smooth sailing de...but i guess everyone has their bumps n humps here n there huh? heez...
i bought toto...quick pick de...even ask the lady the min bet is how much...she said one dollar..when i told her i wanted one..the lady gave me tat u queue so long just wan 2 buy 1 dollar? in the end i say 2 lorz..hahaz... my numbers r as follows..
a) 05 08 24 25 39 45
b)03 22 24 30 34 43
a)04 17 24 30 35 39
b)03 09 16 30 32 37
the results are 05 12 13 30 31 43 add no: 39so i guess i din win la...hahaz..well...wasted 2 bucks...hahaz...buy an experience...the anticipation...lolz..like wondering if will strike liddat...hahaz..wonder if ppl who gamble have tis type of feeling...lolz..last time help mummy buy 4D also wun have any feel...tis time...2 bucks enuff to buy me excitement....wa laoz...the cheap thrill is coming back to me le...hahaz...
i wana play with sparklers lehz..... really wana play...hahaz... =) any1 wana play with sparklers? no one allowed to say i small ger okie? hahaz...
blogged at 10:17 PM
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
someting i found in my email
Well...tis is yet sth i found in the buddhist subscription email....just to share with ppl...
Have SomeoneHappy belated Valentine's Day! On the subject of love, I remember Dy remarking to me that "It is good to have someone, isn't it?" I know what she means, but that remark disturbed me somewhat. Only now, about a year later, did I realise that the idea of "having someone" is an illusion, in the sense that no one can have anyone, even if one holds another in his or her arms. This is simply because people change all the time, be it for better or for worse. True love is not a thing you can get, but a process of continually understanding another and continually meeting his or her needs for spiritual, and if needed, worldly betterment. If you think you "have" someone and will live happily ever after from this moment onwards, you are wrong. Love is not a prize to gain. Because you can't have anyone, you can only choose to love another person without conditions or attachment, and to learn to let this love grow to encompass more and more. Only then is the love true, spiritual and sacred. -shiqin
Being in a relationship requires alot of courage and is tiring...searched for love quotes yest..well..seem to look at tings in a different way i guess..
just now went to coffee bean n hang out with xinying...tried the fruit tea...nice lehz...hahaz..reminds me...sunshine plaza....the taiwan ice cafe....ger when u get beta we go there lorz...hahaz... from holiday say till now...
saw the coffee bean cake leaflet...saw my ideal cake again...hahaz...its a 3 kg standard cake...lolz..the one with lots n lots of fruits...hahaz...tink will get tat for my 21 birthday...hahaz...tis year...will b 20...omg...i'm at the start of the 2 le....haiz...getting older le...
rmb tat day was discussing abt being frenz with ex...well..for me..i'm okie la...onli zhijia agreed with me...hahaz...y cant 2 ppl b frenz after the passion is over lehz? lolz...dun understand..but when i told mum abt tis..her response was..u treat ppl as fren...the person might not...brings me back to the tot of the world is such an unfair place....haiz...but i guess is the unfairness tat makes it unique horz...hahaz..wonder if me n him still frenz...hahaz...
tmr mum going for the checkup...haiz..
i really hate hospitals clinics doctors....give me tat creepy n suffocating feeling...haiz...so whoever can make me go with u to c doc...u reali power lo...hahaz...i after quek de class...going with mum to KK hospital..hahaz... wish me luck...lolz..
so hooked on the ch 8 9pm drama..hahaz..jaceyln tay looks so different..hahaz...clothes n makeup can really make or break u... cao guo hui..act as a korean...omg..he dun look like la...they like try to make him like bae yong jun like tat...haiz...stupid de...but if reality reali got such a guy....I WAN!!! hahaz... but i tink be loved is beta than loving ba...hahaz.. but if reali got guy like him...rare breed la...hahaz.. now de guys....haiz... remember this saying... good guys r either married or taken...lolz... well... where r the beta breed? hahaz...
Jemie: wish u all the best for ur upcoming trips... =) try to take pics...i wana c...hahaz..hmmm... i wan a break n go out of singapore also...hahaz... i feel like going desaru... fruits...firefly..beach... :omg: get me out of here....hahaz..
today had wanted to buy sparklers...but well....i big kid le..lolz...but i miss playing with sparklers... =( hahaz... i after light sparkler le, i will secretly make wishes...hahaz...then when burn finish le...means my wish will come true...stupid rite? hahaz... anyone wan play sparklers? i have alot alot of wishes to make...hahaz...
blogged at 11:24 PM
to a fren
Well..it pains me to see u do tis, but if letting her go is beta for u.. i will support u..tat r wat frenz r for! =)
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go"~Herman Hesse~
"To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful." -Bess Myerson
"Women were created to drive men crazy. Whether it's crazy in a good way, or a bad way, is the question." -"Les Vierges"
”True love always makes a man better, no matter what woman inspires it.” -Alexandre Dumas
“Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go.” -Len Santos
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle.” -John Watson
some quotes i found...Tmr is a beta day..always look on the bright side...always rmb tat u r not alone..watever u r going thru...some1 else out there is also going thru it... U R NEVER ALONE...heez....
omg..its near 3 le...haha..tmr still got class..well...take care my fren... =) u can do it de..as long as u believe....
blogged at 2:42 AM
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
first contact
well..i did sms him abt his last day of work..hahaz..well..feeling kinda confused..hahaz...watever...
i agree with tina la..hahaz..shall not elaborate on tat le..hahaz..time to move on.. =) i will..i just need time and effort...hahaz...
heard tat a girl flunked tests in my class....jialat...wonder if it is me....worrying now....haiz...
mum's going for her check up on thurs...will b going with her i guess..i really hope for her to be well..the common tests r coming..yet...i have not studied...the lab reports r also not done....haiz..then watever to b done at home...haiz...i wonder...how come i'm still alive..lolz.. i feel stretched...haiz.. i feel stressed.. i'm scared...
well...beta get back to listening to class le..lolz...
blogged at 12:36 PM
Monday, February 14, 2005
valentine's day
Well..today...i woke up late...missed gmp tutorial..wth..then later..i discover tat i reali v dumb...watever tat is taught...i reali dun understand..dunno wat has got over me....jialat..i tink i got too many mental blocks le...
then went for a swim with mich..hahaz...then we chatted...lolz..told her abt the plan tat now dun need le..hahaz...
the plan goes like tis...
3pm..class ends..down to PS first..secret recipe to get the cheese cake n choco banana cake..takeaway from pastamania..then down to jurong point..then go over to ur place..pressies include: wallet tat i saw at wallet shop..and tat beansprout tingy..hahaz.. not forgetting the sparklers..hahaz..sounds cool? well..now all dun need le..lolz.. mich says...well..can save money..lolz.. ppl who need idea..see if tis helps..hahaz..
mich was asking if still got contact..well..i'm waiting for u to contact me i guess..mayb i will msg u tmr?hahaz..last day of work le...end of misery..lolz.. as i wonder...is it reali ppl who were once together cant b frenz? haiz.. i wana change tat..hahaz..
well...we shall see..let time do its part n reveal wat lies beneath..... =)
let me noe u r well..let me noe u r happy..let me noe u r healthy..let me noe u r safe..tat's all i wan..
blogged at 10:54 PM
Sunday, February 13, 2005
haiz
went over to doreen place today...played cards...for the pure intention of killing time la...lolz..nv play with money de...lolz..okie la...not too bad...but...i as usual..always kena disturbed...lolz..everywhere i go...also like tis....lolz...bringing laughter to ppl...hahaz..when i'm ard ppl..i also feel beta..i dun feel so alone....
but when i'm alone...the loneliness sets in.. my tears just drop...on the bus..even the stranger sitting next to me also gave me tissue...haiz...i miss u..i really do...but i know no amount of tears will bring you back..why do i have to be the one crying...why choose to hurt me tis way? i've never been in so much pain before..i only dare go home after i have cried outside..onli after my eyes r not red..r u worth all my tears? I wan u back...but i noe its not possible...
i dun wan ppl ard me to worry..i dun wana shed tears in front of them..i dun wana b weak...but i have no strength or energy to carry on...i feel weak..i hate tis...i really hate myself now...
saw tis the other day at the christian shop at PS..e day when i went for the k box session...its on tis 2005 calendar...shows the below text and a pair of hands praying...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.tmr got sch le...sianz..i still cant make myself study...haiz...jialat..
blogged at 11:00 PM
Saturday, February 12, 2005
k box n visiting
11/2/05 k box with yishun peepz..hahaz...jay chou n the oldies songs...when i sang an jing..i cried...hahaz...
只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天 睡着的大提琴 安静的旧旧的 我想你已表现的非常明白 我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得 你说你也会难过我不相信 牵着你陪着我 也只是曾经 希望他是真的比我还要爱你 我才会逼自己离开 你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开 为什么还要我用微笑来带过 我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他 不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过 你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开 为什么我连分开都迁就着你 我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快 我会学着放弃你 是因为我太爱你then went over to PS eat pasta mania....i ate alot..also bought a billabong cap at 77th street..hahaz...for me to hide from the world..lolz... spend alot of money...broke...diaoz...after tat went over to khatib mac to chill..hahaz..
today...mrg had bfast with mich..then went over to wong's place..mr wong like lost weight le...his daughters nicole n samantha still rmb us...hahaz.. then we had pizza at their place... then later went over to sylvia place..we took pretty much fotos..will post them up when i get my hands on them...hahaz..and then i had to rush home...pris they all n big uncle was at my place...lolz...then went for dinner...
at sylvia's place she did a tarot reading for me la...hahaz..judy i duno how u r gonna get tis but..yes..i had my first tarot reading....hahaz...well...like tat lorz...was not really concentrating..cos i simply cant get u out of my head..haiz...well..had fun at her place la..her mum is a great cook...i tink i gain alot of weight in just 2 days....lolz...jialat...tummy coming out le...
tmr....dunno wana go over to doreen place anot...lolz..sianz...tired of everyting...mich,sylvia,jesse say give myself time...fadrizal says..keep myself busy...laugh with frenz...i can get over it..hahaz..kangwei..tells me to get over it...get him out of my mind..hahaz..i have to make the first step n get over it...i have to...before i reali lose it..hahaz..
well...i'm still trying..i really m...i wana b strong..i wana b a beta person...i dun wana b weak..i dun wan ppl ard me to worry..i dun wan them to b sad..
okie...i monday...will b swimming in nyp pool...actually not exactly la...just will b relaxing in the pool..hahaz..see if can relax me...lolz...
i hafnt started studying...seriously la..i got no mood no motivation to study....i m just so sianz of everyting...haiz....i dunno la..mayb i reali just need time..i need to give myself confidence....but how to? lolz...
blogged at 11:18 PM
Friday, February 11, 2005
To someone special
Well..after reading ur blog..i feel..sorry..i' m sorry for making u worry n feel guilty...dun be..i wan ppl ard me to be happy..reali i rather they
smile from the heart than worry or b sad..i really wish all of u well..and i really mean
everyone ard me..
u r not the one to be blamed..well..he asked..yes..but i had every right to say no..so u cant b blamed k..I was the one who agreed..e one who said ok..if anyone is to b blamed for tis..is me..
so pls..dun blame urself..
I'll be fine..really..i just mayb like wat u guys always say..i lack self confidence..well..tat is someting i need to find out how to give myself the self confidence tt i need..
u guys have been great..really....i tink frenz r like angels...who look over u and give u the support tat u need...well..here r my angels... =) Mich: u were there for me..when i needed advice and everyting..u made time to be with me..u gave me happiness and i realli treasure tat..e k box session we had after we left cptc..when i needed to tok..n when i needed to cry...u were the one with the ideas..the plans..the go getter..
however..i'll nv forget the look of happiness u n jemie had on the day e 4 of us went to PS,lucky plaza n taka..
Sylvia: ur ears still pain over all my repeating of stuff? hahaz..u have always given me a piece of ur mind..whenever u feel tat is the best ting...but u patiently listened to wat i had to get off my chest..u nv fail to zi xiao me..lolz..3 years..i wonder if i had brought u any laughter n happiness..mayb i brought u more sadness..with all my grumbles...hahaz..but u my greatgrandaunt..hahaz..so..u have to listen to me le...hahaz.. =)
Chuikeat: wat to say abt tis mentor lehz...she gives u the feeling like u can tell her everyting n she will have a solution ready for u...the one whom u noe u can simply go to in times of need..the one who will not reject u...
Xinying: even though onli became close to her in CPTC...we got "married" in CPTC at the fountain there..hahaz..she has been a great listener...she may not b one tat makes her presence felt all the time thru noise but..u simply noe she will b there when u need her...
Jemie: my crapmate n listening ear..e one who always approaches me with a hi in msn..even though i noe sometimes is cos u r just bored...hahaz.. =p thanks for "listening" to me even though u had problems of ur own..u gave me advice and told me stuff..u made time for me..hahaz..since u have been such an angel..pls..look over him as well..ensure tat he is well n healthy..ensure tat he is happy..u noe him...da nan ren..try to act strong..hahaz.. he is not as strong as he seems.. he does not noe how to express himself much..and he cares alot abt face.. hahaz... so..be an angel n guard him k? thanks... =)
Judy: charbo..i noe u will faint when reading my blog la..but..well..frenz for 7 long years..u were e 1st person to noe of my union n my seperation...hahaz..thanks for being there..well..i wish u all the best for yours...i tink he like not bad...hahaz..take time n slowly get to noe the guy..i really hope tat e best will b for u..hehez...
Wilmer: u offered me the point of view from a guy..from tat time u knew to now..well..hahaz..u noe le la horz...cannot praise u too much de..later u will float...then must call u back to earth...so ma fan...i dun wan..hahaz.. =P
noting can express my gratitude towards u guys...really thank the ones above for letting me have u guys with me thru tis period...i may not wish to tok abt it now..but i noe tt i will open up one day...and mayb tat is the day i can reali face everyting...in the meantime...just be with me..i just need ppl ard me..i dun wana b alone..
part of me wishes to give it all up..but part of me lacks the courage n guts..part of me wishes to still try n try..mayb..there mayb a glimmer of hope among all the darkness... hahaz..i'm tinking of the impossible again...hahaz..
i dun wish to cry in school or in the public...i have shed too many tears le..i try to control my tears....hahaz..i discover sth..when u cry while batheing....its like u duno tat is tears or water...darn....i'm now so freaking weak...haiz...
you: well...i dunno wat to tell u...haiz..i have so much tat i wana let u noe..but..i dunno where to start..well..If u cant forget her in the first place...why ask me? just bcoz i like u.. u r not obliged to be with me...if there r no feelings...why choose to hurt me tis way?it onli leaves me with more hurt..if u r not gonna b there to catch me when i fall...y in the first place make me fall even harder? I reali dunno how to get u out of my mind or heart...after we left cptc..i tot its not possible anymore...why reignite the passion...and then put out everyting..sometimes..i rather there was noting btw us...but then sometimes..i m thankful tt we at least had some happy times together
...如果你要的不是我，为何来惹我？也许我们都有错，也许这是我前世欠你的，如果真的是这样，我希望我们不要再种孽缘了。我们还是朋友吧。我不会忘记你的。你还在我的脑海和心里，我会试着慢慢放弃你，只因为我还爱你。也许一年也许两年，放心吧，我会坚强的。如果不能持久，为何跟我谈未来？为何要给我希望然后又亲手毁了它？我真的不想要这样的， 但是实事却摆在眼前。你不再是我的了。如果我没有对你说那些话，我们是不是还会在一起呢？Did u ever have any feelings for me?i really wana noe...haiz...i guess not ba...hahaz...i was the dumb one..haiz...the ger..i tink i noe is who..if i nv guess wrongly..is from ur sch de rite? haiz...dunno le.. i onli hope tat u will b happy, healthy and safe.. tat is all i ask for...keep me updated of ur life.. rmb me as a fren.. after all..u r my first..n i'm urs? hahaz...
blogged at 11:14 AM
Thursday, February 10, 2005
2nd day of CNY
well..onli slept abit last nite..guess i was too tired from yishun n everyting..but my brain is like still hyperactive...thinking over everyting n anyting..haiz..watever..
judy's having fun on st john island..hehz...mayb next time new year i will also get out of main island singapore...hahaz..chuikeat went back to msia le for her new year..so happy for her..well..hoping to c the fotos she bring back..her cousin cute cute de..hahaz..
i found tis CD tat dad brought back..its BEYOND de..upon listening..then i discovered tt..alot of songs tt i have listen to b4 when i was in secondary sch..n i nv tot it is by them....hahaz..suddenly i feel tat..they r like so cool...hahaz...
the clothes i bought for new year...wth..tat time when i went to northpoint with anna n bought de..they r like loose..wth..dunno to b happy or sad...lolz..
tmr going to k box...hehez..plan to ciong jay chou songs..since every1 is like so into him at yishun...hahaz..i rmb u sang shi jie mo ri to me at lucky plaza..hahaz..now its seems to me..my mo ri worse than yours..do u even feel pain..i doubt so..
feel like going for
steamboat at marina...they say shld go for the zhen fa huo hai xian de..hahaz..as long as no beef or pork i okie le...hahaz..cant b bothered...hahaz..
i will b strong..i will survive..i will not play the game of love anymore..cos..i really m not up to it..i cant afford to go thru hell..well..noting is fair..but y is it tis unfair...
no mood to even pack my notes...tings r everywhere....wonder if i really can survive school...lolz..jialat..dad just went off to work...sudden call..haiz..well..at least mum decided not to go to her many cousins and aunties place...dad erm...guess we r on our own..hahaz..well..guess i next year de new year after help out at yishun...i'm free le..hahaz..
wtf la..i going slp le..hahaz..if i can manage to sleep..hahaz..let me noe..how to forget everyting n move on..how to b strong..how not to b weak..how to be like wat u say...have or dun have..life goes on...
just did a tarot reading...hahaz..so long nv do le..hahaz..the results as follows...
how you feel about yourself now (The Moon)
You feel confused, vulnerable and full of doubts, however, all is not as it seems. Feel the fear and do it anyway, because all will turn out well. Expect the new and unexpected into your life. Your turbulent emotions are muddying the waters so step back and try to find clarity of mind, although this may seem difficult. Things may seem tough or confusing but stick with it, it's right for you. The Moon is a good omen if you are in a clandestine affair.
what you most want at this moment (The Fool)
The cards suggest teary, that what you most want at this time is just to be happy, and you are searching for the one thing that will bring happiness. You want a new start but feel unsure of what you want or where you want to go. Romantically you have mixed feelings regarding another - part of you wants to enter the relationship wholeheartedly, part of you wants to hold back. So if you are in a relationship that empowers you, stay, if not it is time to move on.
your fears (The Chariot)
The word failure isn’t in your vocabulary. You are worried things are more of a struggle than you expected, with more delays and frustrations. Things aren’t going to plan at all, just chill out, calm that mind of yours and you’ll find the strength to battle on until you succeed. This is a period of movement and change and conflicts ending in victory.
what is going for you (Justice)
There is a karmic power to the Justice card, reward for the good deeds you have done in the past. This is a period of good luck even if you don’t know why you are being so favoured. You will approach any issues concerning relationships or business affairs with calm, balanced logic and any claim will go in your favour.
what is going against you (The High Priestess)
Insecurity is a devil that taunts us but only if we listen to that ‘doubting Thomas’ we all have in our heads. Ignore it. What do your instincts tell you? Perhaps you don’t like what they say? Well you could always go against your instincts, but we all know what that leads to don’t we!
outcome (The Lovers)
Love is coming into your life even if you really can’t see where from at this time. If you are on your own a new lover will soon enter your life. If you are in an unhappy relationship you have a choice to make - go with your heart, take the risk, greater happiness is ahead of you.
i had enuff of love...hahaz...even though it is a darn short one...lolz...din noe tat..i was so incapable...haiz..siblings wan the com n i wana hide...off to the room i will b..hahaz..
blogged at 3:43 PM
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!
Today woke up late...lolz..was like late for the chanting session..lolz..hang at yishun till abt 4..then came home bathe n we went ard visiting...lolz.
11/2/05 going k box with shiying, pris, sam,xueting...heez...plan hao le...heez..
someting else happen today..i am so....well...i got my answer le...hahaz..well..starts like tis...
R: hey..how's your ang bao collection now?hee
16.23.34 K: just wake up i never go out no ang bao at al
R: oh..i just finish yishun here..tired..now going home..had fun yest?
16.42.31 K: ok lo win alot at the start then lose about 80% of it back
R: hmmm..still got like 20 percent winnings? got win can le =)
16.50.28 K : litterbit nia haha
R: haha..beta than noting..then u not going out with your parents ma?
16.57.47 K: shes the one don wan to go out
R: ? how come lehz?
17.00.40 K: how i noe i think they wanna safe money la
R:hmmm..then u gonna just slack at home?
17.24.52 K: ya
R: hmmm..remember u say tat chu er u going your teacher's place..hee..so not tat bad la.. =)
17.28.07 K: ohh they change date to chu4 liao that day i working
R: hmmm..i chu3 go kbox with my relatives..chu4 go sylvia place and lecturer place u chu 3 working?
18.087.27 K: ya working
R: hmmm..okie..let me know when's your next off day k.. =p
18.14.30 K: why?
R: date u ma..
18.24.08 K: haha don need,hai don noe how to put it. sorry don really wan to hurt your feeling. i really cant do it u are nice but u really not my type and i cant forget the girl i really like but serious i really try i really do so sorry i think we should remain as friends
19.45.32 K: hey u ok?
R: no..
19.47.44 K: huh why not haha cny happy abit
R: i tink u know beta than me ba..wat's your type of girl?
19.52.09 K: aiya im not the guy for u la im not as good as u tink really just give up ba
R: hmmm..i tink i need time ba..tio officially dump on new year..haha..still frenz right? =)
20.05.08 K: yeah ofcos tell me if u need help
R: hee..okie..u say de ah..well..since cant be my boyboy..be brother can ba?
20.22.48 K: can no prop
R: okie..brother..u take care k.. =) hee..happy new year..
20.24.45 K: same to u
well..tat's it le..i guess ppl who noe wat's happening in my life..will noe who tis K is le ba..yupz..its official..
I'M BACK TO THE SINGLES CLUB..
hmmm...let me c..from the time i knew tis guy..his actions has been like affecting my life..alot..a sms from him can make me happy for days..no news from him..i worry..ppl ard me ask me why him? i was nv able to give an answer...i also wanted to know why u...smoker..MCP..going to NS..lolz.. i was really happy when u pop the question..i really was..u can nv imagine the joy n happiness i had..22 jan 2005..my mum's birthday somemore..lolz...
i really wonder if..i'm reali tis bad..they tell me i'm not..i should have more self confidence in myself..i can get someone beta...but really...all i want is just u..all of u..but i guess its not possible now huh...tis relationship has left me so weak...i nv tot i will b tis weak..i always tot the boyboy me is strong de...but i was so darn wrong...
i was just a spare...lolz..someone for him to hang on to while he tries to let go of the girl he really likes...well..they say noting is fair in love..but i din expect it to b tis unfair...hahaz...
i rmb u said b4..u will not ren xin shang hai wo...but in the end..the one tat hurt me the most is u...all tis ..i guess u will nv noe..well..i really m dumb..dumb to follow my heart..why did it ever pick u in the first place..completely spoil my first time..lolz..they say first time most difficult to forget...lolz..
i will b okie de i guess...let me find courage n strength to continue ba...i may need u..i really wana b in ur arms again..but my family need me...my mum especially...i cant be selfish n just b bothered by my own stuff...guess i'll stay off all tis stuff for a long long time...i cant afford to go thru watever i went thru the past few days...was like going to hell...guess i just m not suitable to b in the game of love huhz..hahaz..
well...glass once cracked...will nv b the same again..time may heal the wounds.but the scar will still b there...I HATE MYSELF....
blogged at 11:26 PM
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
chinese new year eve
Well...its here again..hahaz..no matter how much i dun feel the bloody festive mood...its still CNY..so..ppl..
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR..heez...today...finally i was able to tear away from all the house work and finally do some stuff of my own..hahaz..let's see...
yest kinda exploded at my mum...well..she's been getting restless since the op..n its really kinda getting on my nerves...haiz..well..i try my best to do watever is within my means..but realli...the last ting i need is someone telling me tat there r tons of stuff not done and i have to get it done..hahaz..i feel like i'm a housewive...not a student...lolz...well..watever la...just hope tat she will get beta...heez...
i feel so stretched...i feel so stressed..i feel so saturated..i need a shoulder..i need someone..hahaz..being childish again..being ren xing again...the boyboy is now so weak..lolz..
Just now..i went to
jurong point..lolz..first time going there..to pass
him someting..well..its like awkward la..i kinda expected it also...lolz..so...cant b saying much i guess..the trip was really terrible..hahaz..so long time on the train...by the time i reach there...dun even feel like talking..hahaz..just tired.. suddenly i have tis voice inside me asking me..if i actually noe tis guy who was in front of me..hahaz..someone who was close to me for a short time??lolz...suddenly everyting just change..lolz..well..i guess life is full of changes..cos if its mine..it will be...heez..i guess tis is my way of being optimistic le.. =)
If i dun let u walk off first..i will not wan to leave..lolz..have to be cruel to myself..i have to be sensible..i must grow up..heez..if not i'll b like a kid forever..must learn how to control my emotions..learn how to handle them..not let them handle me..n mess up everyting..
then went over to
lot 1 to meet jemie...had a little chat..lolz..guess everyone's in some kind of trouble..hahaz..well..
life is just full of troubles..and life is short...so i guess just be happy can le..lolz..
then went over to ah ma place and then to see xinying and return her the storage card...she looks pale..well..ger u have to take care k?
just received my red packet from mum n dad...makes
3 red packets received in total le...
well..have to go yishun le...heez..to discuss abt the kbox with shiying n all..hahaz...and also to prepare for tmr de celebration...
recently hooked on tis song...7 years and 50 days...by groove coverage...hahaz..
blogged at 8:19 PM
Sunday, February 06, 2005
reunion dinner n cookies..
well...today's a pretty tiring day...lolz..let's see..in the mrg.. i went down to the market n started to get watever's not bought...guess now should b okie le..hahaz..hmm...but i tink tmr still must go get flowers for praying...then later came home n continue with the cleaning....
went to meet tina to get mum's glasses..gave her a brief update of watever happening in my life..she also gave me some advice lorz...talking to her is always good..hahaz..makes me tink deeper...she say i slim down le..lolz...look beta..got mehz?hahaz...we slacked at swissotel de lounge..i had tis mocha kiss...wahz..is nice lah..the happy ting is..the sofa was darn good la...but..the sad ting is...after we left then the pianist came...haiz..tina say next time we go interconintental hotel de...there got ger playing with harp...sounds so cool...hahaz...
then after tat went over to ah ma place for reunion dinner..was playing with weiqiang..lolz..i tink mothers r really great...wahz..if i become a mum..i tink i'll either die or die crying..hahaz...i got my first angbao le...from ah ma..heez..yeahz...after all tat happen last year...tis year...dad side onli need to go grand aunt(my dad's mum de sister) n his elder sis...the rest..can forget abt it le..then mum side...hahaz...first day at yishun can le...lolz...
just now tried to bake cookie...haiz..someting is just wrong...but well..mich, huiyi n chuikeat got lab tmr...hahaz..gonna force them to try..find out wat went wrong..someting is just wrong...cant get it right...the base...always burnt..then the stupid cookie is soft de...wth..haiz...if succeed...must give pama one tin...hahaz..he bought for me 2 bottles of pineapple tarts... :omg: i simply love him...heez...actually i got alot of ppl care/dote on me lehz...hahaz... =) i simply cant resist pineapple tarts...lolz...
jon was smsing ask if wana study in school...hahaz...i guess..every1 is like gan cheong abt the last sem...except me..lolz..i'm like..worried abt anyting else except my school work...tis is getting me to nowhere lorz..lolz..i noe..but..i just dun feel like studying anymore...hahaz..going crazy le...
term break starts tmr...well...haiz..exams r coming n i know noting...lolz...can go bang wall le...
sentosa flower 2005...9-20 feb...hmmm..should i go?lolz... wana go le...go c flowers...mayb can feel beta...hahaz...oh ya..rmb tat judy say she wana go harbourfront get her shoes n the dress...drag her go...hahaz...i also wana go c the 50 first dates at youth park...lolz...my les partner(s)...i need u...hahaz...
I wana get a cap...complete my boy boy image...hahaz..trucker cap mayb?dunno...hahaz..jeans all getting loose...hahaz..slim down more more then can change wardrobe...hahaz...hope to b slimmer... =) ehhh..which ger dun wish she was slimmer?hahaz...but dream ah..always a distance from reality...
new resoulution: greet my relatives when i c them...hahaz..dun b someone who has gold in her mouth...lolz...
blogged at 11:45 PM
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Gelato =)
Yest had a great time with Judy..heez..we had dinner at KFC at taka..then walked ard..exchanged gifts at isetan...lolz..i bought the necklace she wanted and she bought me this elle skirt which was a real good buy..hahaz..at first when i saw the skirt..i tot sure cannot fit de..like so small...then she say go n try..in the end it fitted me nicely n we both agreed tat i looked good in it..char bo also say...going out to work le..must get more skirts..lolz..its like 25 bucks..from e original price of abt 112 bucks?lolz..then we saw GELATO...omg..hahaz..so we bought the 500ml de box..then shortly after tat this grp of 4 bengs were also eating it...hahaz..then the one wearing a cap was like smiling at us...lolz..then we started a "mini competition" in the end....of cos is me n judy win la..hahaz..i still purposely walk past them to throw it into the bin...and hahaz..was fun la..
this year Valentine's day...I got date le..hahaz..judy was asking wat we gonna do...hahaz...but then we discover tat we r all so tied up with school..haiz..then we chatted abt wat to do after we grad..hahaz..we agreed to go on a cruise..been wanting to try the gambling cruise tat mum n dad were once crazy over..lolz..i'm not interested in the gambling part..onli the buffet..will b going for tat with judy..hahaz..we agreed to pig out on tat..hahaz..
after tat i received a msg..well..i dunno..i'm scared..ur every action affects me alot..well..i dun wan to go thru wat i went thru over the past few days..i'm reali scared..
reached home and saw grandma n my cousins at home..lolz..when i went to bathe..suddenly i saw how haggard i was....kaoz...my eye bags...my eyes...wa laoz...haiz..few days onli n i'm tis jialat...
then sylvia called n we tokked till like 3am?hahaz..well...was fun la...long time nv tok till wana slp le..hahaz..
okie..i have to get back to spring cleaning le..mum's still not well...no one at home wans to b moving...haiz..so is either do or all die...i'm very tired..i really m...i got no more energy to play le..if u r in it just for fun..pls..get away from me..i cant take it anymore...i realli cant..
blogged at 1:33 PM
Friday, February 04, 2005
pharma test
well..tink i'm gonna flunk pharma test..lolz..cant do..before tat was having a talk with mich..when she wiped away my tears..i wished it was u..haiz...well..mind now in a swirl..not sure le..hahaz..i also dunno liaoz...v tired... i later going to meet judy at orchard at 630...hahaz... then will go home.. lolz.. =)
blogged at 4:14 PM
ideas..ideas.ideas..
heez...i have a plan..dunno whether will work anot..hahaz.. =) certain matters i tink..mayb have to give it time ba..lolz..
yest went over to ang mo with dad to buy stuff..was telling him abt the NIE n everyting la..hahaz..then later when we reached there, we shopped..hahaz..discover tat sometimes dad also quite a impulsive shopper..hahaz..the way he shop..is funny la..dunno how to describe..but yest..when i stared at him..i discover tat..actualli dad has aged..well..time flies ah..hmmm..so if dad has aged..means i have grown up le lorz..yest when i ask him we wan to buy orange mahz...he say..go chinatown buy...hahaz..then i say..orh..i tmr going to meet judy lehz..he gave me tat...wat..u going out again expression..and ask me meet for wat...hahaz..i tink he plan to make me go chinatown with him..go b maria..lolz..since now he cant get mum to help him..sometimes why guys cant get stuff done on their own ah..hahaz..
sometimes..i reali tink..children in the eyes of their parents will nv grow up..hahaz..forever will b the protected ones..hahaz..even if they have aged..they will still try all their best to protect their kiddos.. so ah..if i realli go become teacher..must treat the kiddos good..lolz.. i tink shld b okie la..can click with small kids..
COS I M ONE...lolz..actually wana click with small kids is to b one..hahaz.. =) if u cant beat them..join them!!!
later got pharma test le...haiz..i wana study..but cant force myself to..lolz..must wake up le lahz...jialat...NIE onli say good GPA..and CCA..well..i like slacker liddat..how to make it for the cca or the gpa part...hahaz..haiz...if i'm fated to b happy among kiddos..and can teach...then let me b a teacher ba..if i'm not fated to b one..then i'll work for few years n escape to burma...hahaz...
blogged at 9:15 AM
Thursday, February 03, 2005
tarot reading..
i'm getting addicted to tis..lolz..but its kinda fun la..hahaz..to c if my cards will change...lolz...after tis i go study pharma..tmr not going for lecture le..skip safety n gmp ba..study pharma beta..hahaz..
how you feel about yourself now (The Hermit)
You may be feeling lonely at this time or going through a period of introspection. If you are struggling to find answers to your questions give it time, they will come. This is a time for prudence and patience. If you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.
what you most want at this moment (The Star)
The cards suggest teary, that what you most want at this time is some good fortune, a bright and happy future. If you have been ill, suffered bereavement or disappointment in love, your luck is about to change. This is your wish card - it will bring happiness, fulfilment and good health - you may also receive a gift or gifts!
your fears (Temperance)
You are afraid that this period of harmony in your relationship or life in general is not going to last. Perhaps you are afraid a rival is going to cause conflict or already is and threatens to upset the peace and tranquillity you are enjoying. Any quarrels will be short lived so just try and enjoy the moment for what it is. If life is not joyful and tranquil at the moment you may fear that it never will be, take heart and be patient and life will soon have a sense of normality again
what is going for you (The Sun)
The Sun is shining on you, it's your time for success, joy and happiness. You will feel confident and full of vitality. It's a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, perhaps enjoy a well-earned holiday, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby. If you are not feeling this way take heart, you will enter this period soon.
what is going against you (The High Priestess)
Insecurity is a devil that taunts us but only if we listen to that ‘doubting Thomas’ we all have in our heads. Ignore it. What do your instincts tell you? Perhaps you don’t like what they say? Well you could always go against your instincts, but we all know what that leads to don’t we!
outcome (Justice)
Justice will be done. Decisions will go in your favour, particularly regarding partnerships or legal matters. A time for some good luck and reward for your good deeds in the past.
well...heez.. gonna go write stuff n study le..hehez.. =)
blogged at 11:13 PM
degree...diploma???
hehez... am feeling beta now le..i guess life goes on..hahaz..tmr going to meet judy...heez..we going kino..going taka..going walk walk..hahaz..just now saw the kunda MTV..long time nv c energy related stuff le..lolz...suddenly like..wahz...shuai le...lolz..got to go study my pharma le.. sunil say is 2 calculation de...2 concept..i rmb he say tat university question is mostly like the concept de..lolz..liddat..i tink se hui da xue beta for me..till i can find a way to solve all tis so called concept question...lolz..
just now shiying was messaging me..she say to try out as contract teacher first..then if i okie with teaching then go for the NTU de teacher course..but of cos being a full time teacher beta for the family la..cos beta job security and beta for the family too..dad dun need to b so stress..and also mei n di de sch fees..wahz...2 poly fella fees to b paid everytime..me n mei..after i grad..is mei n di de..lolz..mayb i should realli go try teaching..but restricted to
primary sch kiddos nia..i was tinking of trying all kinds of jobs before really deciding whether petrochem or pharma stuff im learning shld b put to use as a life skill..hahaz..but today during petrochem lab..linda toh was actually encouraging us to go n further study...dun lose the momentum..dun stop..if not will not feel like studying le..lolz..which reminds me of KIAN HWEE..lolz..he say to study within
5 years of working..if not will not wan to study le..lolz..but getting a degree...seems like sth not easy..hahaz..we were weighing the pros n cons...linda's pretty keen on us furthering studies la..say is a life long process...but there r also ppl who were doing the calculations in another way..they say
cheapest overseas degree at perth...
120k...andy was saying 120 k..might as well do business..then linda toh say wat if fail..lolz..hafnt start already kena splash cold water... =) imagine..u have to get a job tt can pay back tis 120k...omg..then local uni..now hike their fees..omg..alicia was saying if part time degree..must have like 2 years experience...linda toh say part time will b v hard la..best is to study full time..hmm..to further or not to further?lolz...linda toh say try la..go apply c how...lolz.. but tat day i see the NTU/NIE de webby... under NYP they put MB..but no CPT..haiz...tat beard guy was still like encouraging me on sunday at intercon hotel.. =(
oh ya..linda was also saying tat petrochem line not v family friendly..cos she was doing this process engineer..then like 24 hr on call..even on vacation also must bring hp...lolz..if i go burma...gone liaoz...confirm cant find me de...lolz..but i guess every job has its pros n cons..hahaz..aiya..as long as job pays well..i like it...i'm happy..can le..hahaz...i guess tis is everyone's wish ba..lolz..time reali flies...so fast going 3 years le...hahaz.. everyone is now concerned abt grad n getting a job or furthering studies...well..ppl...rmb to study hard.. =)
blogged at 6:45 PM
my tarot reading
how you feel about yourself now (The High Priestess)
You are very aware of the feminine power within, intuitive and conscious at a spiritual level, looking for guidance and answers, a secret to be revealed. You desire a wise guide to help address your questions, and your intuition is just that. If you are male the appearance of The High Priestess can represent a woman who you care for very much and who truly inspires you.
what you most want at this moment (Judgement)
The cards suggest teary, that what you most want at this time is a new start, to close this chapter in your life and have a brand new beginning. This is not a time for regret but for rejoicing. Rewards for past efforts will follow and you are sure to have many opportunities presented to you. Life will pick up a pace and the choices you make will have far reaching implications that could change your life dramatically. Any legal issues should be ruled in your favour.
your fears (The Magician)
If there's a new man in your life you are probably asking yourself if he can be trusted? Or perhaps this is a man of influence in your life, a boss or advisor - take care in whom you place your trust. You are feeling disappointed - your romantic desires are unfulfilled at this time and you are wondering if they ever will be. Don’t worry, this won’t last.
what is going for you (The Hermit)
You are instinctively taking time to relax and reflect, drawing on your inner strength and wisdom to guide you through these difficult times. Time is a great healer, so if you don’t know quite what to do now in time you will. The Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions, and if you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.
what is going against you (The Hierophant)
You are simply struggling to conform to others expectations of you and everybody has an opinion of what you should do. Perhaps you are having a crisis of faith and are unsettled at a very spiritual level. Ask yourself who you really are? What is important to you? What makes you happy? Seek out advice or wise counsel if you wish, but accepting who you really are and going after what you want instead of what others want for you is the most important.
outcome (Justice)
Justice will be done. Decisions will go in your favour, particularly regarding partnerships or legal matters. A time for some good luck and reward for your good deeds in the past.
well.. just back from the bank..darn long queue..hahaz..well..tmr pharma test..hafnt studied..lolz..later petro lab..sianz..well..feeling lost n weak..dunno wat to do le..I need a guide..i need a light..i need someone to listen..i need advice..but then again..i guess it was too many viewpoints tt made me confused.. lolz..life's contradicting..
blogged at 9:54 AM
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
stupid me!
Well, before i start, thanks to everyone who have been with me today.. I might not have been able to survive today if not for u guys..well, as usual..sylvia's e sensitive one who discover tt someting was wrong..lolz..well..can onli say i destroyed my own happiness eh? hahaz..couldn't believe myself..I tot the fairy tale will be able to last..but i was darn wrong..they said u have to be honest in a relationship..but..in the end i forgot tat the truth hurts..
to someone: Well, I guess the hurt's been done..noting can reverse it le.. i'm sorry..i really m..i nv tot i will lose u..have i lost u? i dunno...i really dunno...i tot i will b able to get pass my own physcological barrier..but..in the end..i still failed..terribly..i tot i will b able to get over it...but in the end..haiz..guess i'm still too timid to overcome my fear..
someting i got off sylvia's blog:
When ur dream, e 1 tt u desired e most shows the slightness hint of having a chance of coming true...When all u had to do is to reach out and grab it...e tempation and urge bcome so strong tt it block out all logical sense...It makes pple forget tt dream are perfect cause they r dreams.. thoughts that we had in e surreal space... a place where we can direct n act in... a place where we try to fufill our greatest desires... desires that we r unable to get when we leave tt place... sometimes we get so lost in tt place, in tt mode tt we became greedy and try to pull tt dream into reality... I used to had a dream.. a dream tt i wanted so much tt i ended up losing more that wat i wanted to get.. my entire life was messed up... Losing wat i already had not much of... lots of pple say... Pursue your dreams or u might regret it... but they left one part out... do it only when u're willing to risk all tt u had... i've learnt tt certain dreams should be left as dreams or u wont even have the chance to dream tt dream anymore...
dreams..hahaz..mayb r really beta left as they r..
When i nv had u..i was nv afraid to lose u..cos i nv own u..when i had u..i started worrying abt losing u..when i lost u..i discovered i had lost everyting...
stupid me...
I HATE MYSELF!!!! eyes swollen n pain..i tot i will nv cry over u again..but..i guess..my tears will nv end..i'm just so stupid..when will i b smarter?haiz..
well...tmr still have to go n change the notes for dad..lolz..new year coming n i had to spoil tings...I miss you..really i do..i'm sorry..i nv expected tings to turn out like tis...wat can i do? i feel so helpless...i feel so weak..i feel so lost..i nv been thru tis...i tot talking should improve tings..in the end..it backfired..
*honesty is not the best policy*
blogged at 8:58 PM
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
haiz
I just did some stuff..dunno if its the right ting...but now i just feel sad..and even worse than before..i had to spoil someone's day..he sounded reali happy before i brought up the matter..but i really had to get it off me..mayb i really dunno how to express myself..mayb i did say someting wrong or put it too harshly.. i'm sorry..i really m...i really dunno wat to do le...i tot mayb we should tok abt it...like they say troubles shared is troubles halved..i dun wish to lose u..but i have this feeling telling me i have already lost u....have i?
ppl ard me seem to b telling me different stuff from all kinds of viewpoints possible..they r telling me to have my stand..and b firm abt it..to let u noe wat i reali feel....but i discover tt when i tell u....u seem to decipher it as an entirely different ting...why r tings becoming like tis?
mayb we started off at the wrong note..mayb i should have made tings clear to u right from the start...mayb we should not have even met..then i might not b in so much suffering...u might also b happier if u have not met me..
right now i onli wan u to b well..b safe..b healthy...b happy...even if it is without me... i'm sorry. i realli m..
blogged at 11:15 PM
my tarot reading
well..rmb tt judy used to have tis tarot tingy..well..hahaz..now i'm doing it..well..here's the readings...
how you feel about yourself now (Justice)
You are feeling that things will go your way, you believe in fairness and justice in all things. If you are considering partnership issues, personal or professional, dealings will go well. Perhaps you are about to sign a contract or legal document, this will be beneficial to you. If someone has done wrong to you it will be put right and you will feel justice has been done.
what you most want at this moment (Temperance)
The cards suggest teary, that what you most want at this time is some peace and harmony, a sense of control and to feel that life is flowing again. Perhaps you have been, or still are, going through some tough times regarding a relationship, financial worries or some other kind of loss. Take heart that peace will be restored - this is a time for you to be calm and patient and life will soon have a sense of normality again.
your fears (Death)
You are afraid of experiencing turbulent and catastrophic change, as we all are, yet challenging such transformation in our lives helps create brand new opportunities. If you are experiencing or have just experienced losing a job, a bereavement, divorce or the end of a relationship, these changes will allow brand new opportunities into your life.
what is going for you (The Hanged Man)
With patience this passive time, this time of feeling in limbo and indecision, will pass. You will know what decisions to make, what or who to let go of and how to move on. Whatever self-sacrifice you have to make you will feel a better and stronger person for it.
what is going against you (Strength)
Your negativity and lack of self control are your real enemies. If you are finding certain addictions in your life are taking a hold, be it smoking or drinking for example, look inward for you hearts true strength and self-belief. Change your attitude and be positive and you will reap great rewards.
outcome (The Hermit)
This is a time for you to be alone or may herald a time of loneliness. Take this time for quiet introspection and rest. Don’t worry you will find the answers, but the Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions. If you have been unwell this is a time for rest and recuperation.
blogged at 8:49 PM
song heard at pacific..
I finally found the song le..hahaz..was kinda touched by tis song tat i heard on sunday in pacific..its in the OST of bridget jones.. here r the lyrics..
Out of Reach--Gabrielle
Knew the signs Wasn't right I was stupid for a while Swept away by you And now I feel like a fool So confused,My heart's bruised Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so farI never had your heart Out of reach,Couldn't see We were never Meant to be
Catch myself From despair I could drown If I stay here Keeping busy everyday I know I will be OK
But I was So confused,My heart's bruised Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far I never had your heart Out of reach,Couldn't see We were never Meant to be
So much hurt, So much pain Takes a while To regain What is lost inside And I hope that in time,You'll be out of my mind And I'll be over you
But now I'm So confused,My heart's bruised Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach,So far I never had your heart Out of reach,Couldn't see We were never Meant to be
Out of reach,So far You never gave your heart In my reach, I can see There's a life out there For me
cool heh?heez..i like tis song alot...hahaz..i wan the mp3..hahaz..but now no downloading le...haiz..
been doing some thinking..since i made such a decision...i should not regret it rite?just cont ba..hahaz..mayb i need time to get use to everyting..
*teary crosses her fingers and pray*
been trying to change the impression of him tat my mum n sis have of him..tink its working..hahaz.. =)
currently in lab..hahaz..explains why i can blog rite?lolz..anyway..feeling more n more lost in school..must really study hard le..haiz...teary...regain ur geeky self...lolz..everytime i say tis..but noting happens... =) hahaz.. beta pray hard n let me pass...lolz...
my jeans seem to b getting more n more loose...lolz...hahaz..must jia you..hahaz..been quite some time since i last stuffed chocolate or on junk food..hahaz..i wanna go to the choco shop at milenia walk le..but....arghhh..i wana get fats off my arms...and legs..n my found tummy after i entered poly..haiz..
just some tots: seeing mum like tis..made me feel like mayb i shld not go seek trouble n have kids n stuff..lolz..hahaz..teary long term plan: go to a peaceful n quiet place.. (eg. burma rural area) n spend the rest of my life there..with no worries n everyting..lolz.. dream la horz...hahaz..dunno when then can become reality..hahaz..
anyone wan go watch movie? Movie at orchard youth park by perfect ten..
50 first dates..adam sandler le...hahaz..12 feb 7pm..heez..how did i noe? by courtesy of Jon..
okie...class end...have to go le...heez...
blogged at 1:20 PM
