i tink tis best explains my feelings now bloggie.... i tink i might need a shrink soon sia...
blogged at 11:41 PM
the emptiness burns like a fire within me... i feel tat i m losing tis battle.. i'm not supposed to lose cos if i lost i will lose everyting.. i feel so farking empty inside... i wan to have some peace tat is all i ask for...i wan to be in balance.... i dun feel myself... i feel so darn funny... haiz... wat is happening? i feel so lost... i wana do someting i like and is meaning... but wat?but wat?
blogged at 11:06 PM
now i at elp... in front of me got tis group of guys who r transforming here into a disco... haha.. so funny..later got wat pem grp meeting with albert..heez.. update u alter.. i got to go do my research liaoz..searching for some buddhism stuff.. since can do it for free at elp y do it at home? haha.. stingy me.. haiz.. bloggie! how can u agree.. -_-|||
blogged at 11:43 AM
Sunday, September 28, 2003
i start to peel everywhere liaoz... face, shoulders... both of them sia.... haiz....
die liaoz lah... the difference btw the burnt and the not burnt is so obvious... how? will it fade? haiz...
abit regret... but... i still wana go... haha...
blogged at 11:45 PM
learn a new phrase today: QUAND ON VEUT ON PEUT
it means : when one wants one can
watch bulletproof monk today.... very nice show...when u believe its doesnt exist it doesnt.. its not abt war, its abt peace
heez...
blogged at 11:28 PM
yesterday went yishun tio suan again... haiz... i look like malay mah? haha.. anyway, now even my shoulder there also peeling liaoz... yi li yi li de... very gross.. haiz.. i tis weekend again do noting except the ususal.... wake up eat watch tv play com and then sleep... haiyo! REGINA! when will u get out of tis type of life... haiz...i m feeling split again... someting tells me to work hard.. soemting tells me to slack... haizzzzzzzz....
blogged at 5:32 PM
Saturday, September 27, 2003
You're of the "I hate school"
breed!
You just hate going to school
and can't stand waking up every day just for
school. But no choice, you just force your way
through school and when the time comes, you
leave the country for other, better education
systems. Bah, at least you have the resources
to do so, you rich/smart bugger!!
Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You?
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Nokia 7250 suits you the best! You're an average
girl/boy without high expectations in life. You
take whatever that comes your way in your
stride and always remain optimistic and
positive.
Which Nokia Cellphone is Most Suitable for You?
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<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( NEW!!! Anime Pics )
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Say Anything...
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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You're Most Like The Season Winter ...
You're often depicted as the cold, distant season.
But you're incredibly intelligent, mature and
Independant. You have an air of power around
you - and that can sometimes scare people off.
You're complex, and get hurt easily - so you
rarely let people in if you can help it. You
can be somewhat of a loner, but just as easily
you could be the leader of many. You Tend to be
negative, and hard to relate to, but you give
off a relaxed image despite being insecure -
and secretly many people long to be like you,
not knowing how deep the Winter season really
is.
Well done... You're the most inspirational of
seasons :)
?? Which Season Are You ??
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Goddess of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks
about you at times. But hey, pain is beauty,
right?
What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
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okie... enuff of quizilla.. heez... just woke up a while sia.. haiz... back to sleeping more than enuff days... but the common test really drained me out...
blogged at 3:55 PM
Friday, September 26, 2003
now suddenly doing some very bo liaoz stuff.. go n find pictures... it returned 6oo + pics... i went to see them all.. haha... i really going nuts liaoz... how to finish sia... haiz... i very tired..
blogged at 9:05 PM
oh ya.. final compliation of my common test results... *drum roll*
marketing A 32/40
reactor systems B 70/100
heat and mass transfer D
Engineering Maths D
haiz.. ABDD.. so sucks... i dun wan D lah.... haiz...
now very no mood to do report.. haiz..but must make myself do... GAMBETTE!! JIA YOU!! I CAN MAKE IT ONE!
blogged at 6:49 PM
now in autocad room, junxiang or is it weixiang came in...seriously speaking... i dun have alot of meomery of wat hapen in primary school.. ( he's my primary sch mate) my brain always empty one mah... haiz... anyway, suddenly remembered tat jon told me on wed during marketing tat gold fish onli got few seconds meomery... tat's not bad.. i hope to be one... then dun have to tink abt the unhappy tings...
blogged at 5:15 PM
today know heat n mass result... i got a freaking D.. quek still say tat i did not bad... haiz... was he expecting me to fail? -_-||| anyway i now in elp... very cold... got to do abit of the sem pro n productivity... limit myself today MUST finish...
blogged at 1:49 PM
Thursday, September 25, 2003
i am simply stuck... i need a new life.. i duno wat i really want.. recognition?solitiude? i feel like i m so splitted.. really splitted.. i feel like i have multiple personalities.. as if there r many me inside my body.. the good and the bad.. i hate myself.. really.. it is so freaking strange.. i feel like i dun even noe myself.. do u noe me?
blogged at 8:48 PM
very pain n itch... first time sunburn till like tis... tat time go camp also not so jialat.. haiz..
today i skip lecture... last two.. i lao pao during productivity..then heat n mass and reactor systems i never attend.. haiz..
my freaking life is so sickening.. i m not even 18... my shoulders were not made to carry all the heavy burdens.. i duno wat to do... i dun see the light at the end of the tunnel... i dun even noe how long tis tunnel is..
blogged at 7:35 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
today get back marketing results... i got 32/40... heez... yesterday went to sentosa kayak n tried swimming... drink alot of sea water sia... then now i v burnt... haiz.. but kayaking was fun.. second time kayak liaoz.. first time was tat outdoor camp.. hope to go there again soon... best with the whole class then at least got meomery mahz..
feeling the pain everywhere...so pain sia..the sun...u so wun qing de burn me... -_-||| now v itch... haiz.. but guess wat i still wana play... jon say never chio him along... heez... sorry jon... next time ok.. :P
blogged at 5:11 PM
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
today maths quiz... i forget abt the limits... anyway i also v heng, normally i wun bother abt post it, suddenly i ask cuijie for one.. then viola the question is on tat..hah.. so heng.. can't believe it sia..
then ask pang abt the results.. i got 70... same as mich.. heez..
tmr beach... n i m feeling more sick now... but must find the picture then i will go of.. mum's shouting.. haiz... hope i can make it tmr..
blogged at 12:10 AM
Monday, September 22, 2003
just now got qwek to do the inner child ting.. he's 10... haha.. me 16.. haha.. explains y he is sometimes like a small kid.. he say i tok until v soft... haiz.. me sick mah... -_-|||
i wana go wander the world.. haha..feel carefree.. heez..
blogged at 4:40 PM
feeling bouts of pain and sickness agian.. haiz... shit always like tat.. after too much excertion or too much unhappiness.. so fed up with life..now in lab.. forgot today got lab.. wear scandals.. haiz.. the lab is now filled with the pungent smell of a chemical.. i dun wana face tis for the rest of my life sia..mayb i should really go n hide in the third world countries.. i wan a simple life.. mayb isolation is da best.. but man cant live alone.. right from the start.. which is why god created not onli adam or eve alone, but the both of them.. later got maths test.. i duno anyting yet..diez..reactor system duno the result will change anot... they having the director's meeting later.. better dun change.. i m contented and surprised at reactor..
blogged at 3:42 PM
Sunday, September 21, 2003
yest she just broke down.. haiz.. i tink she has also been keeping it in her for a very long time liaoz... y some parents must be so zhong nan qing nu? haiz... but yest when i was outside witnessing some one break down while back at home another war has just started.. haiz.. y m i so plagued by troubles?
blogged at 5:11 PM
Saturday, September 20, 2003
i m beginning to wonder is tis blog a form of expressing wat i wan but cannot say out... haha.. tink it over and burn out sia.. maybe we should all announce the blog add to everyone.. haha.. be open and embrace wat tat comes with no comments.. * teary getting mad*
blogged at 4:43 PM
Friday, September 19, 2003
Extracted from a dharma webby: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/zeph/message/220
"Beautiful is such a certainty, but uncertainty is more beautiful. "was uttered in the poem. It was referring to so-called "chance" meetings and departures. Yes, a romantic idea indeed... the uncertainty of love, but isn't it suffering (Dukkha)? Uncertainty is Anicca (truth of constant change of mind and matter) and Anatta (truth of no enduring personality due to Anicca). In wanting to experience only the beautiful, we suffer, as we crave and cling to what we do not have, and refuse to let go what we have clung to, forgetting that everything and everyone changes. How then do we love people who change? How do we hold on without holding on too tightly? By accepting change, by making sure our love itself changes, for the better, that it sets those we love free- not by abandoning them when in need, but by helping them to grow spiritually, by letting them go too, if they wish to.
blogged at 6:10 PM
now i in wilmer the lab.. just take some depression test.. i got 55.. consuelling is encouraged... -_-|||
"When angry count to four; when very angry, swear."
-Mark Twain
haha.. funny quote rite?
just now tried to make quek tell us reactor results.. i tink he must be hating me now..anyway before tat me, mich n george were taking pics with quek.. the camera man actualli know my name.. hmm..must be bcos quek say out my name lah.. haiz. but quek v persisitent..in the end still never say anyting.. haiz..
now waiting for the band performance..haiz..
blogged at 6:03 PM
Thursday, September 18, 2003
today get back results... maths get d.. reactor system b..
today alot of tings happen... i onli yest go esplanade release onli today must alot of tings hapen.. haiz... i yesterday still so happy... sit there day dream... then on the return trip got a small kid keep on trying to grab my hand.. hah.. play with him..
alot of tings r out of my control... i duno..
blogged at 11:11 PM
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
http://www.shall-we-talk.com/open.php?userid=lovedoctor
blogged at 2:20 PM
Monday, September 15, 2003
burn finish laioz... also created the guestbook liaoz....ppl must gimme ur comments there okie..haha..
http://www.geocities.com/scan_god/index.html
lone posted tis webby... haha... so funny.. wilmer n anna pls dun consider tis as ur business... haha... :X
blogged at 11:46 PM
today go sch attend lectures like so lame.. haha... since me lame liaoz jiu lame all the way lor... ah seng today v cute .. tot he dun need to teach the plug flow ting... haha.. but actauli is in the notes... haha.. zhen shi blur de ke ai..
today anna sick... but she still press on n listen to the lectures n stuff.. hao pei fu her... anna jia you!
now burning drama moods.. finally can burn... but i duno abt the quality.. haiz... after wasting so many cdrs... kns.. stupid nero...
blogged at 10:52 PM
Poseidon
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
wah... din realise i was tis... haha.. give me some comments man.. heez...
blogged at 1:46 PM
haiz... just wake up... i tink too sad... yest type so much here then i never realise tat cable cut me off..then in the end cannnot post up... now still trying to burn the drama moods... 5 discs gone... hmmm... wonder wat is wrong.. haiz.. anyway duno wana type again anot... like abit funny type liaoz type again.. haiz... sianz.....
goto go sch liaoz... sianz... after common test got even more no motivation... sianzzzzzzzzzzz........
got so many tings to hand in.. sianz... arghhhhhhhhhh... today is whole day lecture somemore... after sch straight meet mum go woodlands... alamakz.. cant see holland village liaoz... haiz..
wonder is i can survive in a pure project education.. haha.. most prob can't realise tat i might be better in jc... cos i m the type need ppl to kp me alot then i will study... like tat how to survive?
blogged at 1:43 PM
Saturday, September 13, 2003
must really scrimp n save liaoz... must limit spending money liaoz... no more tidbits... haiz... if i got the tuition can at least cover half of wat i spend each month... now... haiz.........
blogged at 4:35 AM
Sometimes its harder to say no when u really mean yes. Its hard to close ur eyes when u really want to see. But the hardest thing to do is to let go when u really want to stay...
blogged at 3:47 AM
True friendship comes when silence between two persons is comfortable.
Sometimes, if you listen hard enough, you can hear the earth move. And when you do, you know you are alone.
People run round and round in circles. Searching for answers they can never find, finding answers they can never accept, accepting problems even if there wasn't really one. The circles continue, with no beginning and no end.
Deny those whispers at the back of your head. You know you're so much more than this.
There are times you don't think about what you are writing. there are times you just become honest with yourself. and there are times you leave yourself behind just to see what's in front.But i turned away again, just so that joy will prevail. Their laughter and their jokes, all misconstrued into thinking that i've adopted this stance too. i guess it's just the way things have come to pass. What happens when you can see right through them? What happens when you realise the mere superficiality of it all? What happens when you start avoiding your own friends? What happens when you start to wonder if they are even your friends in the first place? is it time to move on? is it time to go?Nothing's quite the same anymore.No.No it'll never be.Deep inside, i wish things weren't different from the dreams in my head, but i guess that's the very thing that is wrong. the fact that it is a dream in my head. don't you know dreams are always perfect?
Everyday I must face forks in the road
I cherish the memory of pure and beautiful childhood happiness
Love always makes people cry, makes people feel unsatisfied
The sky is very big, yet i can't see it clearly, so lonely
It is difficult to understand why there must be sadness and uncertainty. Maybe it's because life wants us to take notice of the joy in our lives, or maybe it's life's way of telling us that the heart must experience the pain of heartache before the soul can learn to dance.
there is a violence that burns inside me. a literal explosion of concrete emotions, fueled by hosts of irrational thoughts. people peek in through my eyes and all they see is a smile thinner than paper.
The bubbles that we build around us will burst one day, but until this happens, enjoy the beauty that it brings forth, surround yourself with the brilliant colours it reflects, look up and see them glide in the sun..
People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
blogged at 3:32 AM
today is lone bloggie day, after cawley came in... now everyone is reading all xms ppl blog... haha..
blogged at 2:52 AM
few days never update bloggie liaoz... got alot inside me actually... but today went to the esplanade and hang ard at the water front for a while... feel so shiok.. haha.. actually today supposed to be ohana outing, but cuijie tmr got someting on so she never come, then when we go take mrt, sylvia also say she dun wana go, duno isit bcoz of me... haha, but guess wat, i dun wana noe..wilmer bought the chocolate coated strawberries n me n anna share one.. heez... v nice.. then we three excluding mich we bought durian, haha, then we smuggle into mrt, mich bought a pan pipe cd, may be borrow from her ba.. heez.. watch super star mtv carrefour today, i like tat mtv, but now i dun dare to d/l tings... haiz...
anyway let me make it clear here.... TIS BLOGGIE IS FOR ME TO VENT MY NAGER, SO IF U SEE ANYTING, IT IS BCOZ U URSELF WAN TO SEE, SO DUN BLAME ME!
anyway, today quite sickening day... last paper reactor systems... i duno how to do... really.. haiz... never been so sure i will not make it for a paper.. last 5 min i just give up, i go toilet n cry, remember the last time i cried was when i noe i from 1E1 posted to 2E5.. me the onli one to fall from top to bottom... haiz...so stupid... i call home then mum playing game... haiz... then when i started to cry v obvious, michelle shouted, mummy, da jie crying liaoz, u quickly come... haiz... mum say nvm,ask me isit bcoz of her, actulai i duno leh... haha.. i just feel useless,hell useless... haiz....
last few days really tired... xiao gu gu just msg me... i lost another student again... to anothe tuition agency.. haiz... agency cheaper than home... now bad times... so... haiz...which means by the look of it, i can onli earn 100 buxz per month at the most... tmr go must ask see if she got any other student to intro... haha..
'We have to dream big and work really hard for it.'' i found tis quote.. haha..
tink i m having depression, haiz crowds dun have the appeal to me anymore, i just wana b alone..
found tis from a fren blog, suddenly he was on irc heez v true and interesting.. :P
Defamation - Defamation of a character is the criminal offence of damaging someone's reputation by saying thing about them that is harmful and untrue
My site received a strong flow of traffic yesterday.Its abnormal considering its history of 11 hits per day.I dun know wat is happening but I do sense something fishy.
I'll do some editing later to all my logs as not to mislead "SOMEONE" who thinks he is better than Jesus.And As if my blog is the bible of his.
I MUST MAKE THIS VERY CLEAR TO ALL MY FRIENDS VISITING MY BLOG.ANYTHING that I wrote here got NOTHING to do with the Him who thinks whom he is.
ALL The Things written here might be misleading, BUT not all amounting to bullshitting.If U wanna read BULLSHITS and SUE the author for defamation, READ IT ELSE WHERE.
AND HEREBY I sign off with a word of warning. I AM THE AUTHOR for all my weblogs. ALL MATERIALS MUST OBEY the COPYRIGHT LAW.NOT MORE THAN 1 ARTICLE or 10% of a BOOK.REMEMBER IT WELL.TRY PRINTING IT ALL OUT AND I SHALL SUE U FOR BREACHING OF COPYRIGHT.
He must have been very DISAPPOINTED to find that I did not write anything abt him.He went to search the world wide web for all our webbies.I reckon that he used SG.YAHOO to search for my web,for my tracker program logged that.
I dun even bother to say anything abt him coz he simply sux.The thought of him makes my blood boils and my hairs stand.
He thinks too highly of himself.With some links in the police force,he thinks the SG GOVT owes him a living.Everyone pay TAX like he does,what gives him the thought that the POLICE must do him an EXTRA SERVICE.
Well,I've get on with life and wash my hands clean with that guy.Gradtitude is something I do not reserve for him.Dun give me a DIRTY LOOK whenever I go back to visit ur area,for I'll return u the DIRTY LOOK when I see U else where.
Sad as I may be, I do not wish things to turn out this way but I can't help it.
On Teachers' Day, I wish u GOOD HEALTH, MR PAH. Thank You for wat u had done for me.
For that childish guy,I'm ready to take on ur challenges. Wat do u want to sue for? A SLAP FOR A SLAP ?When Will it end? As a matured guy, keep ur money and live till a ripe old age,wise guy.
well, he's one v smart guy... heez... but went to the wrong path at one time, bei ren li yong bcoz he is SMART.. haha..anyway i wish him all the best also... ur stead v chio wor.. heez..
i m really getting sick of all tis, seriously speaking if u dun like me simply treat me as transparent n i will too... there is no need for us to be so fake, it sucks u noe.. i dun wana be fake... i wana be real...
latest news: I LOST TUITION JOBS! 1 st one is bcoz mum sending him to child care as relatives going back india, ok accepted. 2nd one is bcoz i m a student.... kaoz... student not human ah, or i have to fake to u i m a working class, tuition is just my side line.... kaoz... i dun wan, y din u even gimme a chance, ur girl improved alot under me in 1 month onli ok,but u din take tat into consideration i guess...
well, i tink tat is abt all liaoz, now v sad to know i become jobless overnitez...
blogged at 2:12 AM
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
today maths commmon test... someting v funni happen hy ask anna some maths question, but anna like hafnt really awake... somemore hy ask one zheng hao is wat i know... haha... she like so shocked i noe how to do... haha... always tink i cant... heez..dun xiao kan me lah... haiz... v guo fen leh... i know i not as smart...i dun tink as much as u... happy?
but later wilmer siad someting tat made me fall back to reality again... wat if later hy become even more motivated, n decides to study even harder... haiz... die liaoz lah.... my maths still so lao ya... today maths got so many mistakes... but marketing not so bad...
today idiot called me twice... duno for wat, first time let me hear typing sound... second time is just noise... haiz... wat u up to? arghhhhhhhh
today buy tis box... really look nice... it is actuallly put cookie one... chamz liaoz i collecting boxes now... no one is online now.. except for huiyi k guy leonard jesse, surpriseingly huiyi n k guy the msn icon got a clock there ... O_o haha
blogged at 11:33 PM
Monday, September 08, 2003
Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy- Smells good, but a
little strong. Very calming, though.
What Cosmetic Product are you?
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TomBoy
What kind of girl are you?
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You are an APPLE. Your parents love that
responsible quality about you, but it makes ur
friends think 'LOSER'. Take some risks.
Which Fruit/Vegetable are YOU?
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You are Prue Halliwell
Which Charmed One are you?
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First Baser - You aren't easy and you aren't frigid
but you're too shy. Your simple responses and
reluctance to ask questions say you're waiting
for something to happen but it needs to be
someone else's move. If you continue on this
path, it may be really easy in future for a
'Home Run' personality to get you in the sack.
Take some control over your own destiny.
How easy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
blogged at 2:28 AM
What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
horsey alos haha....
blogged at 2:11 AM
i just read someone's blog..the onli ting i wan to say to her? everyone feels lost at times... but at the end of every tunnel is a ray of light... pray n it will be true.. the power of prayers...
blogged at 2:01 AM
i tink it is best i go slp... if not cant wake up go sch ... tmr last day to study liaoz... tue is exam... haiz.... so sianz... finally got away from the fone... heng ah not idiot fren... tis one easier to negoitatie haha... if idiot fren hor... i tink i die liaoz...
anyway i tink i better go slp laioz.... PAIN AH............... HAIZ.....
blogged at 1:51 AM
sianz... i just feel so sianz now... actuali i dun wana tok on the fone or on irc.... but... haiz.....
blogged at 1:47 AM
i duno now i is feel useless or i m starting it again... haiz... i just feel v lost now... like lost in a maze... no one hears my cries n screams... my guardian angel is not with me n i m afriad... i curl up in a corner n strat to cry... how to study finish........... haiz........................
i need a new brain... haiz... a new life maybe... y m i a ger... haiz........
maybe i should start slping at my original time agian... lesser time to tink abt tings... haiz...
isit i m using lesser of my brain tat y now rusty? haiz... very luan now... i now feel like shutting myself up... shut away from everyting... kapoom... the door just simply slams shut....
the key is simply throwed into the sea, devoured by the rushing verouis sea... it is simply taking yet another key from another lonely n lost person...
blogged at 1:32 AM
I M BLOODY TIRED... rushed home just to watch jin qu jiang.. but at least get to watch energy perform.. haiz... i m so sick n tired from all the studying... study liaoz the next moment forget.. somemore got one stupid marketing report... n tat lecturer hor... duno how to contact me oe leh... haizzzzzz....
my brain like spoilt liaoz...what i do or study liaoz i just forget the next day or moment..... haiz... mayb i not getting enuff slp... haiz... watever it is... i just tink tat i going to die liaoz.. haiz..
sianz....
blogged at 12:21 AM
Sunday, September 07, 2003
today i received a v idiotic sms from a very idiotic person : idiot... haha... ryhme hor... heez... he msg me at 22:32:56 06-09-2003 haha...
i shall type the msg here : HOW R U THESE DAY?SO LONG HV NT HEARD FRO U.
guess my reply?
heez..me now busy with studies n my buddhist society lor.. next week exam.. very stress.. how have u been?anyway ur fwds r v cute.. heez..
lame rite? haha.. but i replied him onli at near 12... bcoz duno hwo to reply... anyway when he msg me i also never see hp... still in my bag mah...
haha..
haiz... i going exam liaoz... already hafnt study n the more i study the more mesed up i m.... dun come n disturb me lah... haizzzzz..... :X
seriously speaking ah... i just tink tat u cant accept me one lah... b fren jiu hao le lah... dun ask for too much... i v troublesome one...not everyone
can tahan me de...
me blur n slow, some more tok so much n at the wrong time somemore.... not pretty leh...me not worth ur time... anyway... tink u cant blend into my
circle now...u wan me to go back to the type of life i lead when we were in ntuc also is impossible lor.. i'm sorry... i already tried to tell ah mu they
all we impossible laioz... i m sure they will tell u one.. so i can onli say tat i m sorry.... i m sure u will find better girls out there... anyway ur fren
also bo contact me liaoz... cos i dun reply his sms n his calls... i did the same 4 u liaoz... but i dun tink u get it... haiz..... dun waste ur time lah... me really
not worth it ...
blogged at 1:21 AM
fri the dinner was quite a success... heeez... me n pris at the reception quite cool... everyone suddenly say the necklace v nice... haha... yuan lai the necklace i wear is then the zhu jiao... so funny... some ppl say i speak too fast... soem say i speak ok... haiz... so many different views... stella son after go join the lion dance troupe look more mature liaoz... also more shuai.. haha.. i din noe tat the ivy or grace got a son so tall n big... but.... sign so small... haha... tyhe guest book not really filled up... we going to fill it with fotos n drawings... heez...
my tat one finally came... haiz...after so many mths... nearly tio drag to the hospital by mum... haiz... but now like either v liquid or v solid... haiz... spoilt liaoz ah... must be all those pills... haiz... anyway i going slp laioz... tmr still have to go out... actuali tmr got charity... they going red cross handicpped... but i not going... haiz... nitex... bloggie... actuali still got alot to say... but hand tired... plus... PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN
get wat i mean... haizzzz be a ger is so ma fan n troublesome... haiz...
blogged at 12:25 AM
Friday, September 05, 2003
when i start to know alot of tings abt someone.. it is not good but bad news...haiz..bloggie, u noe y? i should not be bothered... cos in the first place it is none of my biz... also know laioz i also wun gain or lose anyting.. it is simply just another chance for me to cooment n make mistakes... haiz.. then it also means tat i still cannnot change myself for the better...they say tat one's mouth is the most poisonous... bcoz when u scold or curse u wun tink... so when they say the heart or brain is the most poisonous n bad i will not agree... bcoz of tis! MOUTH IS THE WORSE!
anyway tmr is the dinner liaoz... today went yishun to really tie up the ends... relise tat the planning was not really done tat well... but haiz... well we r all foirst timers... learn from our mistakes ba...
SOME TOTS.... heezzz....
in life there r simply too many tings we cant predict...planning will onli facilitate ur doing....
it is v impt not to get angry easily...or xiao qi... zuo ren yao you liang... xin xiong yao kuan..
i study Maitreya Tathagata ( Laughing Buddha)'s teachings, so SMILE AND BE HAPPY EVERYDAY. :D heez...
there is no need to be jealous of one other... we r all here for different purposes... but we r all here to learn... bcoz when we r born we have noting...
when there is communication or any exchange of word or body language, there will be conflict.... no matter how good or bad u r, there will still b a way to pin point n critise u... critism is part n parcel of life, it is wat tat makes us improve. but some of tis is not true... u feel with ur heart...
wat is most impt is to be CONTENTED in life... wat is yours is yours... it is already predestinied, there is no need to be upset or happy just bcoz u have more or less..
someting i found: http://www.maitreyaproject.org/
Maitreya's name is derived from the Sanskrit 'maitri' meaning 'universal love'. Infinitely compassionate and all-knowing, Buddhas teach by their words and example in order to guide us along the path to our own spiritual maturity.
When Shakyamuni Buddha's teachings disappear from this world (the teachings of the historical Buddha of our current age), negativity and misfortune will grow until, spontaneously moved by his overwhelming compassion, Maitreya will manifest in our world as a radiantly beautiful spiritual teacher inspiring people to practice the path of virtue, especially loving-kindness.
"Loving-kindness is the cause, peace is the result, internally and externally - peace for the individual, the family, the community, and for the whole world.
"This is the way to bring peace and happiness, not only in the present world, but in the future as well."
We are living in very uncertain times. Humanity and all living things are constantly under threat and there is an urgent need to create the causes for harmony throughout the world.
All of the world's major religions and humanitarian traditions teach the ethical values of tolerance, patience, loving-kindness and compassion.
As these universal values are embraced and take root in the minds and hearts of more and more people, world peace will become an attainable dream.
some ting i found... haha.. tis is very funny n interesting... heez...
Here is my yearly tongue-in-cheek holiday rant about Santa Claus. Santa Claus is an amalgamation of Pagan lore and Christian legend. On the Christian side, he is related to Saint Nicholas who was a 4th century bishop in Turkey. He was known for giving anonymous donations of gold coins to those in need and he later became a patron saint of children. Santa Claus later became known for his sack full of toys.
On the other side of the world, a 10th century vagabond in China named Pu-tai was also known for his jolly demeanor. He in fact became the model for the Laughing Buddha. His name means Hempen Sack, and in fact he was also known to carry around a sack from which he would distribute gifts to children. Pu-tai was known as a Ch'an (Zen) Master and after he died it was believed that he was an appearance of Bodhisattva Maitreya.
Now, it seems obvious to me that Pu-tai and Santa Claus share many of the same characteristics, and in Buddhism that means that they are likely appearances of the same celestial bodhisattva, in this case Maitreya. Now Maitreya is the future buddha who is waiting in the wings (so to speak) in the Tushita Heaven. It would appear then that Santa Claus is in fact the future Buddha and that the North Pole is actually the earthly manifestation of the Tushita Heaven (which only bodhisattvas and buddhas can see in its true aspect).
And on that note, I will end this with the supreme mantra of generosity and loving-kindness: Ho Ho Ho! (Which means "Dharma Dharma Dharma!" in Sino-Japanese)
well ta'a abt all... heez... me go slp liaoz... v tired... n hor i still duno wat to wear for tmr dinner... haha..
blogged at 1:14 AM
Thursday, September 04, 2003
woken up by nightmare... i dream tat i flunk... haha... m i too stress? haiz... anyway now got alot of inspirations to write... write abt life, frens n time.. heez.. write liaoz later i burn away... haha.. not time to type... my typing v slow... haiz... write faster... but i hafnt brush teeth n stuff... haha... n it's 9 liaoz... got to get out of the house asap... if not sure tio nag... me siamz laioz..
blogged at 8:55 AM
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
today is pang lesson...make up one... i tell him i dun understand he stright away say i better stay behind n tok to him...wah so straightforward...haiz... i hafnt study much ah.... haiz... but still got exam mahz... haha.. hope common test can make it lah... no other choiuce liaoz... anyway today while leaving the sch, i veri tired...tink used too much brain huice at pang lesson.. so i sit on the esclator tat goes down frm auditorium to fountain... then anna throw her slipper down... it whizzed pass my head... then i suddenly tot of the fountain...haha... i tried to scare her say i throw her slipper into the fountain...haha...tonight 51 got jay shin 556 landy haha... guess the time? 12 am - 3am.... yest already watch part 2 liaoz... today is part 3... xia ri gao feng hui by mtv.... hope i can stay awake ba... but today v tired duno y... heard tat ppl study alot liaoz i even more sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...........
blogged at 10:50 PM
everybody do make mistakes... only that whether u learn from them or not..
"There is a way to look at the past. Don't hide from it. It will not catch you -- if you don't repeat it."
jus remember them and make sure that u don repeat them.
if u wanna cry or anything, remember
"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down"
so tell us ur problems and we can try to help. wat are frens for right?
"hold my hand, i will care. open my heart, i will share"
and don keep thinking in the negative way... i will not help...
"The difference between the impossible and possible lies in a person's determination"
nv say that u cannot do it without even trying... and don worry too much cos....
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its joy.
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine"
so must try to live ur life to the fullest by trying ur best in everything and nv giving up even if u fail...
"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves"
we control our future our destiny therefore we must grab every single chance and not let any opportunity slip thru...
whenever u meet with any problems, remember...
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
nv be a pessimist!!!
*Life is like a popsickle when it melts
just try and freeze it back!*
okok.... very long... so......
Time don't let it slip away,
Raise your drinking glass
Here's to yesterday
Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it.
blogged at 12:22 AM
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
today end up slacking at home... haiz... then after tat in abt evening like tat i took bus n i saw him.... haiz... y must let me see him? i tink he saw me ...but i did the worse ting i can ever do...i din even look at him...he was at the back of the bus...i stayed in front...when it was his stop, he just alighted... haizzz IDIOT.... i tink he noes tat i m avoiding him...for wat i also duno... haha..but i have to thank someone...today nearly wanted to go out in shorts...the drawstring one...the blue one... she called me back n made me changed.... haha... thanks mum..hope i din look too shag or too weak today...last ting i wana let him noe is tat i m living wors than i was when i was with him... haha... u used to be the one who called me to study... i dun like to study all the science n maths stuff...but u said study so i just studied... then i came across tis phrase n i wanted to believe in it....tat was : let him go, if he is yours he will come back... recently u started sending alot of fwds... cute ones somemore.. but guess wat? i was hurt and disappointed too much to believe in it anymore... mayb i was wrong to let u go...mayb i should have held on...but somehow...after ah mu wanted me to jio u all for tat movie to let u guys have a gathering...in the end tat guy tell me is bcoz they all wanted to let u see me... hope tat we will be together... haha... from tat day onwards i realised someting, wat i wan is a guy who can accept me...mayb my involveness in my religion and me not taking meat anymore shocked u too much... but watever it is, i just suddenly felt tat u r not the one... watever it is... i thank u for the time u spend at me at the esplanade....if i have a video cam i will definitely film it down...but now i can just film it in my mind..... and keep it locked in my heart.... even though it is onlie for a while..... thanks for all the tings u have made me see... it has in a way or another benefited me... keep the fwds coming... they r v cute... but dun ask me y i dun sms u back... cos if i did, i means tat i have accepted ur coming back... right now... i duno...maybe we all need time to mature... time and patience is the key to all problems...
blogged at 10:48 PM
Monday, September 01, 2003
today study in amk library...really alot of ppl...haiz...then mich came to join me n anna.... we went to mac then the most lame ting happen one question tat we all spend so much time on, wilmer solved it in like minutes...haiz... life is so sad... then at mac suddenly some guy said wilmer...then he waved some more ...hew was looking at me n mich direction...i tot he wave hello to mich...ten he con't to stand there...then i like idiot took up my hand and pointed to myself...he nodded and haiyo...he say he last time also work NTUC...haiz.... he say he call benny...haiz...i remember liaoz...tat time we still say he is one of the better looking ones.... haha... so pai seh... BENNY I REMEMBER YOU LIAOZ... U WERE THE ONE WHO CAN SHELVE QUITE FAST AND ACCURATE ONE...heez.......
tmr going wilmer hse to study....treats of destroying his penguins have been made...haha... bet he's gonna regret tis... haiz...me tis week so busy...die laizo. lah... no motivation to study makes it worse...how to PASS common test like tat...i dun aim high...i onli wan pass.... haiz....
today see anna n mich do maths...they at least know how to do abit....me... haiz...they say one step i do one step...tis time really is die laioz....
Don't have an expert's mind on the theoretical,
if you are not a real expert on the practical. found tis on the net.... heez...
here's another one...
In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities.
In the expert's mind there are few.
just now ch 5 show one movie called invicible... there got one guy say alot abt love...not boy ger love but the love that accepts and dun critise tat type...very meaningful...heez...
blogged at 10:00 PM
