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Sunday, November 30, 2003

kangwei came to do tie the ends of the com... haha.. hmm... went to the driving centre with him cos he wans to buy the theory book... abit tempted.. but... haiz... i still cant really read maps... wat to do... haiz...

chamz laioz... let him discover my extreme fear of cats... diaoz... so pai seh...

i will be outta here from tmr... but actually honestly speaking... i dun really feeel hapi... tis is unlike the last few times actuali is last 2 times i been there... i feel very hapi when i go there... tis time i do not... why? haiz...

i m starting to detest alot of tings... i duno y but... i just feel so tired... very tired... haiz... wat should i do... sianz... i kinda feel lost now.... sianz.. well pointless in me complaining n complaining here.... but... wat can i do...

yest birded complained to me abt loneliness in singlehood and some stuff... haiz... hmmmm... wat can i say? i feel the pangs of pain tat loneliness bestow too.... haha... tink too much...

recently like to watch tis ger jang na la... well she's korean... like her cos of tis show hong dou nu zhi lian... i like her for her frankness... haha... dunno y but i wana be like her.... haha.... but diffifcult ah... to be like her in singapore... well, i dunno... sure kena bullied like siaoz... haha.... welll it is stilll a aim a fantasy a wish a dream... haha.... welll hoping to see the whole show...

well me one week not in singapore sure misss alot of tv shows de... sianz... :"(

blogged at 12:48 AM

Saturday, November 29, 2003

today had quite a good time at k box... tis time bigger room n better sound system... haha...stupid daniel say i never wear specs, trying to ....... haiz.... cannot ah.... my lenses expiring jan 2004... haiz...i nowadays like always going k box... the guy who serviced me, anna n mich during my first visit at the counter like can remember me like tat haha...owyong heng was late... arghhh.... then later shiying called... then we went to causeway point to make the pali booklet tingy.. the cold storage crepe now is three ger make... not as nice as the malay guy make de..haiz...

today i meet tis very cute ger... small small.. i tink she should be abt 3 years old...at first so dao... dun wan tok to me.... then i tokkig with the ah ma... then i say she pai seh, when the lift door open she smile sweetly and bang kiss... haha... so sweet...s omemore turn back n smile at me... haha.... zhen si de... how come kids nowadays all like to do tis.. try to act cool... haha...

just now huiyi msg me... say results out liaoz.... well.... i did freaking hell bad... i tink in ohana i m the lowest liaoz.... haiz... now i feel so sad... but i cant cry my heart out...hmmm... now is really no mood to go for the trip... well i kinda expected it... but i din wan it to be tis bad... haiz.... FUCKED UP LIFE...WHY MUST I BE ENSLAVED TO SCH,GRADES AND XAMS? feel like cutting hair again... now head darn pain... i need to tok to someone...haiz... but... nvm...

just someting i found: As we learn to accept ourselves, we are at the same time learning to accept other people. It may seem that there are always other people around and we have no choice but to accept them, unless we throw everyone out or become a hermit; but just putting up with people is not the same as accepting them. Acceptance is the tender and gentle process of opening our hearts to others, to ourselves, and to our common ground of suffering. Kindness begins at this immediate personal level of experience.

By cultivating an attitude of acceptance and fundamental friendliness, we can lessen not only our own fear and tension, but also that of people around us. We can actually shift the atmosphere in the direction of relaxation and kindness and in that way be a force of healing. To the extent that we are relaxed and open ourselves, the people around us begin to pick up on it. It is like putting a drop of water on a blotter - one little drop just spreads and spreads.

blogged at 1:36 AM

Thursday, November 27, 2003

tmr will be going out with just daniel n owyong... haha... hoep tat tmr wun have any big..... danile say will have ... but i believe tat judy n owyong can get along de... well... i hope so... haha..

well, bag is still not realli packed... haha... room also not packed... but i have given my key to grandma liaoz... so she can come over to spotcheck anytime she wans... diaoz... must pack laioz....

haiz....REGINA... JAI YOU... AND BE MOE HARDWORKING LAH...

blogged at 11:52 PM

well.... i still hafnt pack my bag... well i duno leh... going there is so dun really need to prepare lor... haha... just now cant see my guest book .... haiz... server down... diaoz... i see veneryone like very excited abt the trip...i suddenly feel extra... cos i dun feel anyting... i dun even really tink i look forward to tis trip alot... haha.. bloggie, i also dunno how to explain to u... haha.... yseterday got one uncle suddenly say he dun wana go liaoz... haiz.. cos his dad passed away.. haiz... life is miserably short.. he seem like a friendly man..

cant find the lonely planet book... haiz... wat happen to national library board.. i need lonely planet guide to burma lahz.... haiz...

the cafe never call me... tink is no hope liaoz..haiz... sianz... i dun wana be controlled by S11 but... without it i cant do much... suddenly tot of the show daria, sick sad world... diaoz... it is really a sick sad world..

heard soem gossips courtesy of mummy... haiz... din noe tat aunties when bo liaoz can say one another then come n tell another auntie wat they say the other person abt... haha.. abt like wat we also do... diaoz.... hmm... next year must make it a point not to gossip so much abt others... must change myself..

haiz... later got class... well saturday also got... diaoz... been slacking ALOT haiz... zhen si xue bu guai... oh well... got to go amk lib to see if can find the book.. I NEED THE BOOK... HOW... may buddha bless n let me find the book....

blogged at 3:23 PM

Monday, November 24, 2003

today went for the interview.. she was late... diaoz.. make me so kan cheong... haiz... dun tink can get the job liaoz.. she say today n wed got interview... then thursday will call me if i get in... she said it very clearly i got NO F&B experience... haiz... if u dun give me the chance where to get experience? she say if can should try n stay with them till feb... she wan ppl to help out for festive season.... i still tell her i onli wan to work amk... diaoz... then she say amk v hectic... need quick thinking... must be i look stupid to her... kns... spoil my day...

i still hafnt pack my bag... sianz.... haiz... later will go pack... diaoz... tis is the real me... LAZY PIG.. haha.. onli noe how to say... duno how to do... kns...

forget wat i wan to blog liaoz... wat will happen if i were to shave my head? haha..

blogged at 10:02 PM

Friday, November 21, 2003

hmm... today hor.. the amk lib cafe ppl call my hp... tell me go to orchard lib cafe on mon to find a jesscia at 11.15 she's the operations manager.. well.. duno whether to go for it anot.. i mean the pay will not be as good as if i get a tuition job..if i work tis cafe one sure need to work longer hours...but i never work at cafe before... it will be a good experience lorz... hmmm... duno... i tink monday just go for the interview ba... then can go esplanade too... anyway it's in orchard... after tat can go walk ard.. see how lor... if can get it means got fate... if cannot means no fate... I LEAVE IT ALL TO FATE..

bangz... where r u... i wan the xp disc... and i still owe u treat... must settle it b4 new year... if u see tis pls get to me asap..

well... on thur, due to some neighbour prob n negotiations failing... we cant really hang ard at yishun liaoz... diaoz... cannot do some stuff liaoz...hmmm.... well why cant ppl be more bo hiews... y must abit of ting also quarrel... MOST IMPT IS WHY PEOPLE ALL SO STUPID... haiz... when will they look at the bigger picture... well i tink i also not in a very good position to say all tis... me also not very good.... so... haiz... duno lah... now very luan lor... abit lost lah... i mean its like been in tis ting for so many years... suddenly change SO MUCH.... diaoz... yes i noe there will be changes n all... but... haiz... i need time ba... i also duno how to adapt to it sia..

blogged at 11:58 PM

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

still hafnt pack my bag or pack my room... everyone like pack their bag prepare for trip laioz...diaoz.. i dun even noe how much to bring... but should be bringing tat mountaineering bag ba.. PPL AH.. HOW R U ALL AH?PLS SIGN MY GUESTBOOK LET ME NOE HOW U ALL R OKIE? hmmm.. in caps should be able to see ba.. heez.. today went to fetch small fly.. heez... tis few days hor.. i seem to have tis special power of being able to charm small babies... haha... today one small kid was crying.. i walked past n just made a face and then he stopped crying.. haha..even the ah gong also stunned..so funny... heez... suddenly got the feeling of wanting my own kid.. haha... siaoz liaoz..but i onli like those few months to abt 3 or 4 years old de kid... best boy boy.. heez...

the panweibo concert is very nice... jian mei qi really sing well sia.. weibo is so cute.. haha..thanks again to mousee.. heez..

tis few days keep on watching tv.. haha.. noting to do sia.. sianz... i wanna get out.. but hor.. no $$$..diaoz.. rotting liaoz..

monday night hang ard at frenz house tuesday afternoon then came back home.. but u noe someting.. i tink mum n all like v scared i dun wana go home.. hmm... dun worry sia... i will not be like in the past... now teary already grow up laioz... well i noe u dun like me to go ppl hse to slp over... but.. sometimes being able to get out of the hse gives me breatheing space...

be trying to make sushi again.. hope to be able to make cookies too.. heez... but MUST pack my bag n room first... heez... duno will drag until when sia... now very lazy... stupid com still cannnot type chinese... haiz....

blogged at 7:58 PM

Monday, November 17, 2003

anna ah.... say i lazy... heez... mayb lah... kinda sianz... laioz... somemore my com always being occupied by my sis,bro.mum n dad... basically my whole family sia... haha.. well... will try to blog more... heez...

blogged at 1:09 PM

well... also duno wat to blog... my life tis days have been doing paperwork for society, planning stuff,watch tv,see my bro play game,erm.. guys i will b out of singapore from 30-11-03 to i duno when... heez.. well when i m back will let u all know.. heez.. haiz.. hafnt pack bag n all.. i tink suddenly become i mia hor... heez.. anyway cuijie.. thanks for asking me if i wana go for the pan weibo concert... heez... rotting at home liaoz.. but i tink after the concert must go n do the paperwork for the trip liaoz... :) diaoz... tis few day always spend money... tis month jiu spend le 200 plus bucks liaoz... jialat.. tink when sch reopen must really go take up tuition class... haiz.. if not is SCRIMP N SAVE LIKE HELL.. diaoz...

hmm... mayb should go pack bag liaoz... hmmm... go there also can buy wat... i tink most prob will not buy anyting ba... haha... wan to buy hor, buy in singapore beta.. haha.. :X

blogged at 12:59 PM

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Type 3	Ambition	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Type 4	Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Type 8	Hostility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%

Your Conscious-Surface type is 8w7
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 5w4

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test

blogged at 12:36 PM

Friday, November 14, 2003

hmmm... alot of days to catch up... diaoz.. haiz... nth much happen also..

i also duno got wat to say... haha... been spending alot of money lorz... then judy got me the slider wallet for my bird day... heez.... thanks ah.. :P then today went k box... well then tis week always sianz lor... haiz... i tink now i better at writing on paper... hmmm.... later then come back n blog ba....

blogged at 12:33 AM

Sunday, November 09, 2003

today went to shift the ancetral tablet to the temple... hmmm... saw dad's fren... stupid guy... dun like him.. haiz... not good for me to blog it in wat he did to us.. stupid guy.. kns...

then after tat went over to small uncle hse.. haha... empty hse n we tok abt ghosts... heng is day if not i sure freak out like siaoz...

today cooked pasta n salad... haha... not bad sia.. heez... mayb one day i can open a eatery or somting.. well, it will be vergatarian lor... haha.... :P

going back to watch tv... well tmr will meet mdm fong n all for makan... hmmm... wonder wat to do there sia... haiz... will they be awkward tat i dun take meat... haiz... ppl pls..i m no different frm u all.. dun need to so qian jiu me.. :)

blogged at 10:52 PM

hmmm.... brief intro to wqat happen tis few days...

7-11-03 heat n mass paper... sucks.... duno can pass anot... keft alot of questions empty... bcoz i duno formula.. n bcoz i duno how to do the stupid eqn.....

8-11-03 had pali class before tat was at hougang point with shiying... hand ard at coffee bean.. tried energy pepsi... YUCKS... but small fly liked it... well.... haha...cos after we finished at coffee bean went tover to fetch small fly... heez...

9-11-03 reactor systems paper... din study for it one... is later mich sms me then i decided to study abit... i woke up at five after few miserable hours of slp...then after paper went to eat at fj... onli i eat ah... hmmm saw k guy, wee hock, kk at fj... they were alos there eating i tink after i tried to force k guy to tok... he like abit scared of me...haiz... but hor... i really v stressed... wana explain to him... but duno how to.. diaoz... i tink just let it be ba... mayb is i tink too much... after tat we all walk out... well.... someting happen...i know tat tis few days have been veri bad n rough for a fren.... hmmm.... all i wana tell her is move on... if he is urs and u guys still have fate, u all can make it one... :P hmmm.... than went to take bus 72... actuali hor i tell u alll a secret... i veri scared to see ppl cry,i will be darn loss.... so in the end we anyhow took a bus cos a suggestion was made tat we anyhow take bus... then the stupid bus become got more n more ppl.... haiz... then so many ppl bu zhi dong de sit ard us... STUPID.... haiz...during the bus trip, got sms abit lah.... duno whether wat i tell her is of use anot... after we reach tampines mall... walk ard... went for pasta mania... haiz... then i went to buy the popcorn n later star bucks cake... actuali hor.. i cannnot take so much sugar... but i got bad habit... when i scared or duno wat to do, i can eat alot... n i mean alot... then as usual my sugar went too high... but tis time not tat bad... my worst time was...heez.... secret... :X i hyper mahz... wat to do... haiz... i also duno de....then went to amk cafe to interview... lame... then went back home dead n hungry... diaoz...

8/11/03 had to go yishun today... decided tat next week me n pris will cook for everyone... haha.... haiz... duno wat to say liaoz.... going slp soon... tmr is another busy day... haiz...

blogged at 3:08 AM

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

tear will not cry over exams anymore.. she will study hard...no more playing or chatting before exams.... sianz... got scolded just now... must change my habit of walking ai lessly... two hours today... kaoz...

blogged at 9:37 PM

studied at amk lib today... was kinda late... forget to take sweater.... end up tremblin n cant study for the whole day.... sianz...waste my time n spoilt my mood... well.... heat n mass sucks... n I SUCK MORE..........

blogged at 12:11 AM

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Duo wat is wrong with me! i dun feel like doing anyting.noting reali interests me anymore.life has been traumatic for me tis few days,,ppl change, exams sucks,violent n aggressive quarrels with mum n dad.I din promise i will do stuff... don't assume.. i m not tat goody two shoes anymore.. sick n tiured of being one.. i have to worry for tis n tat.. i have to listen to tis n tat.. i dun wana listen to tis or tat anymore... who the fark cares abt wat is happening... u adults buay song each other is ur own prob... NOT MINE! in the first place i 'm not supposed to know abt wat is happening.. u guys forced me to grow up fast... too fast for me to handle.. i'm not as strong as i seem.. i know i got prob but i duno how to go abt solving it.. i know i'm losing it.. but wat can i do.. geting a grip on myself doesn't seem as easy as it is.. i tried alot of ways to calm n relax myself already... latest way: saying the word fuck.. sounds lame but... wat other ideas do u have.. i have tried so many ways liaoz... apparently it is not working well.. i don't wana go back to the me tat physically abuses hersel.. i don wana experience tat pain anymore.. i'm already trained emotionally.. he took away wat i had.. when he tried to get me , i ran away. when he turned away from me i wanted him.... gow ironic.. well who could i blame?myself n myself only.. who asked me to be stubborn.i tried looking at the bright side of tings before..i really did.. but i never worked tings out for me anyway..it never did.. sometimes i wonder f death is the only way out for me.. but it is not.. i dun wana suffer anymore in afterlife.. it willbe darn stupid.. i;m already at my worst.. can't image wat it will be like if it gets worse. i know tat i have got a grp of frenz who r with me,but deep down i still feel darn hell lonely inside... it's like as if there is tis space tat can't be filled up.. no one can fill it up.. it doesn't matter who i m or wat i do,i never feel complete... all io want is a peace of mind n to enjoy life to the fullest.. why r there so many obstacles n stuff? m i asking for too much?m i too greedy? sometimes i wonder do i really hate them?y do i hate them? hmmm... guess only they will know y....however i m myself... i have no wish to change for another person... it is very tiring wearing a mask u noe....STOP telling me wat to do... maage ur life b4 u come interfre with mine... i know mine might be in a worse mess than urs but... i dun like ppl coming to yell me wat to do... i dun take orders... i dun wana take orders...n i never will....

blogged at 9:31 AM

Monday, November 03, 2003

well.... sunday was yet another busy day... discover tat the old folks are opening up more n more liaoz... they sang for me leh.. haha.. well enjoyed going there more n more... heez... than hang ard. discover tat the babies ard me were attracted to me on tat day.. duno y.. heez.. ma chiam like i cut hair liaoz become like kid.. can click with them... haha.. suddenly all the babies playing with me...

today is the freaking maths paper... wat can i say? KNS.. haiz... getting more n more sianz.. duno lah... just getting more n more tired... haiz... really sianz.... still got two papers...

recently discovered tat alot of tings are changing... alot of ppl changing alot of tings are changing... well must admit tat i cant really keep up with the changes... haiz..

anyting tat is eat liaoz or use liaoz will become smart? let me know wor... teary getting more stupid.. haiz.. no more smart ger... :"(

blogged at 11:14 PM

Sunday, November 02, 2003

today is yet another saturday where it is spent at yishun... just got back home not long ago... well there r now more tings to do n stuff.. so regina.. GAMBETTE.. may it be normal studies or religious classes.. as long as u believe, u can make it...

welll tmr got to go the old folk's home.. my dialect seems to be lagging tis days... hmmm.... need the practise liaoz....

just now help andrea looked after kavan... wah tat boy is way far too active for his age manz...hmmm.. actuali hor i tot babies his age were supposed to be unstable in walking n stuff... but hor.. tis kid is exactly the opposite... he might walk steadily but yet still wan ppl to carry him.. haiz... today onli carry him for a while then i whole shirt wet from sweat sia... darn active yet CUTE kid... then small fly see i always take care of kavan actuali became quiet n put me on ignore list... until chanting tat time whn i carried him... and let him share my chanting book.... (actuali is i share his... haha) haiz... jealousy... arghh... take care of kids is so tiring n difficult... PERFECT REASON FOR ME NOT TO HAVE KIDS.. haha..

well tmr still got to wake up early... but... now waiting for song to download... zhou chuan xiong de huang hun.... hmmm wanted to try n k tat song suddenly... heez...

haiz... no motivation n drive for studying... haiz.... sianz...

blogged at 12:20 AM