Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Duo wat is wrong with me! i dun feel like doing anyting.noting reali interests me anymore.life has been traumatic for me tis few days,,ppl change, exams sucks,violent n aggressive quarrels with mum n dad.I din promise i will do stuff... don't assume.. i m not tat goody two shoes anymore.. sick n tiured of being one.. i have to worry for tis n tat.. i have to listen to tis n tat.. i dun wana listen to tis or tat anymore... who the fark cares abt wat is happening... u adults buay song each other is ur own prob... NOT MINE! in the first place i 'm not supposed to know abt wat is happening.. u guys forced me to grow up fast... too fast for me to handle.. i'm not as strong as i seem.. i know i got prob but i duno how to go abt solving it.. i know i'm losing it.. but wat can i do.. geting a grip on myself doesn't seem as easy as it is.. i tried alot of ways to calm n relax myself already... latest way: saying the word fuck.. sounds lame but... wat other ideas do u have.. i have tried so many ways liaoz... apparently it is not working well.. i don't wana go back to the me tat physically abuses hersel.. i don wana experience tat pain anymore.. i'm already trained emotionally.. he took away wat i had.. when he tried to get me , i ran away. when he turned away from me i wanted him.... gow ironic.. well who could i blame?myself n myself only.. who asked me to be stubborn.i tried looking at the bright side of tings before..i really did.. but i never worked tings out for me anyway..it never did.. sometimes i wonder f death is the only way out for me.. but it is not.. i dun wana suffer anymore in afterlife.. it willbe darn stupid.. i;m already at my worst.. can't image wat it will be like if it gets worse. i know tat i have got a grp of frenz who r with me,but deep down i still feel darn hell lonely inside... it's like as if there is tis space tat can't be filled up.. no one can fill it up.. it doesn't matter who i m or wat i do,i never feel complete... all io want is a peace of mind n to enjoy life to the fullest.. why r there so many obstacles n stuff? m i asking for too much?m i too greedy? sometimes i wonder do i really hate them?y do i hate them? hmmm... guess only they will know y....however i m myself... i have no wish to change for another person... it is very tiring wearing a mask u noe....STOP telling me wat to do... maage ur life b4 u come interfre with mine... i know mine might be in a worse mess than urs but... i dun like ppl coming to yell me wat to do... i dun take orders... i dun wana take orders...n i never will....
blogged at 9:31 AM
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[[Me, Myself and I]]
known as ReGiNa or teary
23101985
quiet or noisy/naggy
Crapper
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Luvs white, blue, black ,green
Luvs Choco,chilli,Grandma's cooking,Cakes
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Hates to fail
Hates being scared
Hates watching horror movies
Hates being told i'm cute ~>.<~
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